


The Original High

by consultingrogers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A bit of violence but nothing too graphic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, And he's also a huge fucking NERD, Bucky snores, Camping, Clubbing, Coney Island, Everyone wants Steve, First Dates, Harry Potter movie marathon, I will tag as the fic goes on, M/M, Mention of Minor Character Death, Mention of major character death, Mob AU, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Recreational Drug Use, Rich!Bucky, Somewhat, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve has no time for your gender binary/roles bullshit, all around sadness, brief mention of child abuse, cliché as fuck, gotta love that bisexual matt murdock tho, punk!bucky, steve steals a hoodie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-04-15 04:46:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 35,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4593333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consultingrogers/pseuds/consultingrogers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And that was how Steve Rogers found himself on the back of a motorcycle at one in the morning, whipping through New York City and clutching to a man that smelled like cinnamon and smoke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wanna breathe it out 'cause I'm going out my mind

**Author's Note:**

> All I want to do is leave home but I can't so this is my way of coping.  
> Natasha and Sam will appear in the next chapter. Idk when Matt will appear but I just need him in a fic with Steve ok? Probably more ppl will appear and tags will change.  
> Title from the Adam Lambert song and album of the same name, which I listened to on repeat while writing this.

"Fuck it!"

That was the last thing Steve Rogers said to his family. Well, they weren't his family. They adopted him out of pity when he was sixteen and he had tolerated them for far too long now. He was twenty one now, and the only thing he had going for him was ripped from him.

They didn't have enough money to put him through college and he couldn't get a scholarship so he spent five years saving up and he was so excited, applying to tons of colleges. He would do anything to leave that house. They were nice to him, sure, but they always treated their real kids better. They didn't leave him out, per se, and they weren't mean ever, but their kids got to go to college and Steve was left to live at home and work for it.

Not that he minded, working hard just meant the payoff would mean that much more, but now nothing meant anything. His "parents" kept his acceptance letter from him and now it was too late. He didn't even hear their bullshit reasons over the roar in his ears, nor did he hear them yelling when he packed a small bag, grabbed his keys, and drove off. Fuck them. He had nothing to stay for anymore and he was twenty fucking one, for crying out loud! He brought what he needed: his sketchbooks, basic art supplies, medications, a few clothes. Everything else could be replaced and/or meant nothing. He had saved roughly 10,000 and it was all in his bank account.

He had the world at his disposal and nothing to lose.

 

* * *

 

Steve drove until he couldn't feel his fingers and he was out of gas. His car wasn't anything fancy and he was in the heart of the New York City, (which told him how long he'd been at the wheel since he lived in Delaware) so he parked it somewhere, took his bag out, and left the keys in the ignition.

It was late, probably around midnight, and he should have rethought leaving on a whim. Fall was upon the city and he was shivering as soon as he got out of the car. He wearing skinny jeans, a plain blue t-shirt, and a thin oversized sweater, fitting with the New York art aesthetic but freezing down to his bones. It wasn't that bad outside really, but he was skinnier than a twig and had bad circulation. He spotted a warm looking bar and figured he could use a drink, and he should probably sit down since he just realised that he was basically homeless now.

He was right. It was warm in here, almost sickly warm, but he liked it. There wasn't that many people in here, but that was probably due to the fact it was Wednesday night and the bar didn't seem one to be popular even on the weekend. He took a seat at the bar and the bartender, a short, dirty blond man that looked at least thirty five, immediately walked over.

"Rough day, kid?"

Normally he would be annoyed that someone called him kid, but he could tell that this wasn't a degrading way. He still couldn't help the roll of his eyes. "You have no clue."

"Clint." The man offered his hand, to which he shook.

"Steve."

"You from around here?" Clint passed over what looked like straight whiskey, but Steve took it and sipped gradually, a little thankful he wasn't carded.

"I'm from Brooklyn, but I live in Delaware. Well, lived. I kinda just....picked up and left. Drove without a specific destination and here I am." Clint raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything, just shook his head understandingly.

"I'm from the west coast but I left as soon as I was eighteen. Somehow made it here and used the money in my trust fund to eventually open a bar instead of go to college. Blew over real swell with the folks, of course." He grinned, and turned to start washing a glass. Steve chuckled, taking a long sip from his own glass, when he noticed Clint's hearing aids.

He was a little surprised but when Clint made eye contact, Steve made sure to turn his own head to show his device over his left ear with a smile. Clint was about to sign something when one of the guys Steve saw when he entered came up to the bar, smiling and ordering a whiskey, reviving a tumbler that looked similar to Steve's.

A leather jacket was thrown onto the stool next to him and he had his long dark hair tied in a bun. His features were rugged, but they were deeply attractive. He had an industrial piercing in his left ear and tattoos peaked from his rolled up sleeves, slithering down to his toned wrists. He had a jawline that could cut glass and biceps to die for too.

He looked like danger personified and it lit up Steve's insides, but he looked away before he could be caught.

"Bucky." The other extended a hand, and Steve noticed he was talking to him. "Steve" he replied lamely, giving the hand a weak shake. He was positive he was blushing, but he wouldn't let himself be phased by it.

A wide, flirty grin took over his mouth (and what a nice mouth it was) and it radiated attraction. Steve's heart nearly stopped, so he finished his drink and mentally assessed himself. He looked like a typical art kid, which is what he longed to be, and he had a dark blue denim backpack slung over his shoulders with various buttons and patches. One of which Bucky was staring at now, Steve's favorite. He got it from Pride and, though he had quite a few, this one he loved the most. It said "When I grow up, I want to be a notorious homosexual" and Bucky seemed amused by it.

Steve threw a smirk at Clint, who winked in response, then stood. "Well I must be going now. The night's still young and there's trouble waiting to happen." It dawned on him that he could be a whole new person in the city where no one knew him, and that gave him a wave of confidence. He made it halfway down the street before someone called his name, and he recognised that it was Bucky from the bar. He smirked as the man caught up with him, then started to walk.

"So... You got a place to stay?" A deep voice broke the silence, and Steve stopped dead in his tracks. Shit. He hadn't thought about that. He was too busy coming up with his new persona, but he quickly played off his worry with a flirty smirk.

"Why? You wanna take me home?" It came out as a challenge, and he got a resided eyebrow in response before a dangerous grin took over Bucky's face. Steve briefly remembered that Bucky was a complete stranger and could be a serial killer for all he knew, but that was cleared from his mind when there was suddenly no room between them and a handsome face was inches from his own.

"Hell yeah I do."

And that was how Steve Rogers found himself on the back of a motorcycle at one in the morning, whipping through New York City and clutching to a man that smelled like cinnamon and smoke.


	2. Gotta feel the touch like the first time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve deserved to rest and Bucky's warmth was so inviting, he was suddenly extremely glad he left home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sike!! this chapter is basically smut and other characters don't come in until next chapter but it's just matt  
> i'm still getting used to multi chapters and writing smut so bear with me!  
> this is a learning experience for us all

Before Steve knew it, they were in front of a very expensive looking skyscraper. The city lights were still close but dull, and the adrenaline was pumping through his veins with vigour.

"Holy shit," he found himself whispering. Bucky parked his bike and Steve felt oddly out of place.

This must have been what Julia Roberts' character felt in Pretty Woman. Not that Steve was a hooker or anything, but he didn't plan to stay longer than the morning, that's for sure. He was breathless the whole way up, taking in everything he saw with childish wonder. He almost forgot about Bucky until he grabbed onto his hand and guided him to his....apartment? Holy shit, Bucky _lived_  here. On one of the high floors of a building that reminded Steve just how insignificant he was. When they were inside, he all but ran over to the wall that was basically a giant window. Then he remembered he was a grown ass man, and pretended that it wasn't that interesting. Before he could take in anything about the room, Bucky was on him in an instant, crowding him with his back pressed to the glass.

"Oh" was all he could get out before that glorious mouth was upon his, and he had the vague notion he was floating. Turns out Bucky just lifted him up, which was the hottest thing ever. He hated how small he was and he hated being manhandled, but damn he loved that Bucky seemed to take joy in his stature. The older man's hands were cupping the spot where Steve's thighs met his ass, and Steve obliged by jumping to wrap his legs around the firm waist that was weakly thrusting at him.

His head hit the window with a small thud but the dull ache was replaced with the intense arousal spurring through him. Bucky's mouth was trailing hot kisses down his throat, leaving Steve panting heavily and gripped at his shoulders. He snaked a hand through Bucky's hair, messing up the bun so it could be free. He tugged it afterwards, making Bucky bite down on the crook of his neck, which in turn made Steve practically yell his moan.

Who knew he was into biting?

Steve pushed the leather jacket off Bucky's shoulders, then started on his shirt as soon as he heard the jacket fall to the floor. It broke the contact of Bucky's mouth on his skin but Jesus Christ, Bucky was built as fuck. He couldn't help himself when he ran his hands over the firm muscles, a forming six pack, and tattoos litering the tan abdomen. Bucky lifted got his own shirt and sweater off in one go, and he felt extremely self conscious compared to him. He was pasty white, which was illuminated by the moonlight, and his bones stuck out rather than his muscles. It wasn't that bad but he was nowhere near Bucky's perfection. The man looked like a god, and Steve would be happy to worship honestly. He felt Bucky's eyes on him and his nerve that got him into this in the first place faltered. Before he could do anything, he was pressed more firmly against the cold glass and the heated kisses became gentle, almost loving if Steve didn't no better.

"You're downright beautiful."

It was so quiet, Steve wasn't sure he even heard it. He scoffed and rolled his eyes, then pressed his hips more urgently down in Bucky's (fucking huge oh my god) erection. "Yeah, yeah and you're practically Adonis, let's get on with this please."

Bucky carefully navigated them towards the bedroom, or what he assumed was the bedroom and hopefully not a torture dungeon. His assumption proved right when he was thrown on a soft bed and Bucky was crawling on him like a lion crawled to a gazelle, his hungry eyes were black with desire and for once in his life, Steve felt wanted. Truly wanted. He didn't care if he died right now because someone looked at him the way he's always wanted to be looked at. Not like he was attractive, but like he was the only thing in the world that was important.

And Bucky gave him that.

Steve moaned just at the look, and it didn't stop when that sent-from-heaven-itself mouth closed around one of his nipples, hips thrusting on their own accord. Being vocal seemed to make Bucky more aroused and Steve obliged, albeit he couldn't find it in him to shut up either way.

He's had sex with several men in his life so this wasn't exactly his first rodeo, but his last sexual encounter was two years ago and even then, Bucky made him feel better in one night than he did in all of those relationships.

He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard a zipper, and felt his pants being tugged off. Bucky stood and wiggled out of his own and now they were naked. Steve held his breath as he appreciated Bucky's body, eyes widening when he saw just how hung Bucky was. He was slightly afraid of being torn in half but it made him all the more hard, and his mouth even watered a bit.

Sucking him off wasn't safe, but god _damn_ he wanted to so bad. Bucky crawled back over him and he let out the deep groan Steve had ever heard when they were skin to skin. They stayed like that for a moment, Bucky giving him soft pecks to his lips, then he leaned up to grab lube and a condom. Steve couldn't help but laugh when he caught sight of the Superman symbol on the condom wrapper.

"What? It was free okay."

That just made Steve laugh more and even got a grin from Bucky, until the older man shut him up by spreading his legs and lifting his hips enough to stuff a pillow under them. Steve held his breath again, and wondered if he would ever stop doing that.

His eyes fluttered close at his own accord and he tensed up when a cold, slimy finger circled around his hole.

"Ease up, sweetheart. You gotta let me in."

Steve nodded but his body didn't cooperate, so Bucky leaned down and kissed him so sweetly, and Steve was relaxed in no time. The finger went up to the first knuckle, and Steve gasped into Bucky's mouth.

He adjusted quick enough and soon there was two fingers in him, a third making itself known. Steve was absolutely writhing, squirming and unable to keep his noise down. He was going to burst, and any alcohol he had in his system was being released from his pores since he was sweating so damn much. The preparation was necessarily but if Steve could be called anything, it would be impatient.

He was fucking himself on three fingers now, amazed that he hadn't blown his load yet. He was definitely on the way there though and if he could just....

"Ohmygodsweetjesusmaryandjoseph"

There it was. That was the spot he was looking for, and fuck it just made his whole body ignite more. He needed Bucky inside him now or else he'd probably die.

"Buck....please"

"Please what, baby?" Steve moaned. Fuck, he had a thing for pet names too.

"Please fuck me right now," he gasped out, then whined when the fingers slipped out and he was empty. It wasn't for long though. Bucky had the condom on in no time and was lining himself up as he leaned down to kiss Steve, pushing the tip in as he pushed his tongue between his lips. Fuck, he was so thick.

Gradually Bucky began to move and as soon as he found a rhythm, slamming into Steve's prostate a few times, Steve was gone. All he saw was white behind his eyelids, and he yelled out. It could have been Bucky's name but who knew at this point, he was so far gone. Bucky followed right after, closing his mouth over Steve's pulse point and moaned through it.

When they were both cleaned up, Steve could hardly move. He was so fucked out and he felt so amazing, he could just drift away right there. And he did. Bucky was curled around him and he took a look at the clock, which read 3:26am. Damn they'd been at it for at least an hour. Steve deserved to rest and Bucky's warmth was so inviting, he was suddenly extremely glad he left home.

* * *

 

It was so hot. Boiling, in fact. Steve felt like he was melting. There was a heavy weight pressed against his chest and it was starting to restrict his breathing. Not to mention he had a killer headache and everything from the waist down ached. The events of the previous night crashed down on him and his eyes snapped wide open. The first thing he saw was the time--8:54am--and he was grateful it was still morning. Then there was a loud snore from behind him and he covered his mouth to stop himself from laughing.

He located the bathroom and skilfully slipped from Bucky's tight grasp, quietly padding to it. After he relieved himself, he almost died when he looked in the mirror. Bruising teeth marks were vivid where Bucky bit down, and his neck and chest were covered in love bites. There was finger shaped bruises on his hips and his throat hurt. The blond just splashed water over his face and realized how luxurious the bathroom was.

After taking in the grandeur, Steve collected his clothes as quickly as possible and found a pen and paper. He scribbled off a note, pressed a kiss to Bucky's head (he was still out like a log and he could probably out snore a bear), and left into the city.

_**Last night was amazing** _

_**See you around** _

_**xx S** _

_**P.S. Nice sunglasses you got there...**  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos & comments appreciated! Let me know what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong!


	3. I am unbeaten and I am unwon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is clumsy and the gang forms an plan on just what to do with Steve's money.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double sike!!!! Everyone but Bucky is in this chapter but no worries, he'll be here soon. *eyebrow wiggle*

Once again, Steve found himself regretting his last minute decision to leave home. He was gone and there was nothing he could do now, but his phone was dead and he had no clue where he was. The sunglasses he borrowed from Bucky were doing a barely decent job of protecting his hurting eyes, and he slept with his contacts on. Everything just fucking sucked.

On top of it all, here he was, digging through his backpack and walking at the same time, so naturally the world decided to throw a little more "fuck you" his way and made him walk straight into another person. It was only Steve who fell though, and he heard someone speaking but he didn't register it was to him until he saw a hand extended in his face. Shit, he turned down his hearing aid, that's right.

He took the hand and turned up his hearing aid just so he could hear the man, who was taller than him and wearing these really odd red glasses. Then he took note of the cane. (Of course Steve would find the only blind person and walk straight into them)

"I'm so so sorry! I was walking and looking in my bag at the same time, which a dangerous activity that I will not try ever again."

"It's alright." He had a friendly voice, a chuckle that made Steve feel safe.

"Sorry. I'm just a little hungover and a lot lost. Can you tell me where I am?"

Steve finally found his charger and zipped up his bag, thankful nothing fell out.

"You're in Hell's Kitchen. Come on, I'll show you a good coffee shop." He started walking and Steve noted that he seemed to make a habit of following strangers without question.

"Matt," the other male said as they got to the quaint shop. He was wearing a grey suit and his hair was nicely styled, and Steve was impressed. He didn't doubt the man could do it, that's not it, but he looked damn good. He was staring for a while before he remembered that he was probably waiting for a response.

"Oh. Steve." He blushed, then it was their turn in line and they both got black coffees then sat down at a table in the back.

"So Steve, what brings you to the city?"

"I didn't mean to come, actually. I just started driving last night and I ended up here when my car ran out of gas." Thankfully there was a plug below their tables and Steve wasted no time. "I didn't have a place to stay so...um... I let a guy take me home and I left just this morning." He isn't sure why he was telling Matt this but he was sure that he trusted him with his life. He gave off that vibe. "I'm actually from Brooklyn but I lived in Delaware for the past six years. I don't want to bore you with my life story because you look like you got a place to be."

That got a laugh from Matt, and it was endearing. Another trend was Steve seemed to develop crushes on these strangers too. Huh.

"No worries, work is the last place I want to be at the moment. I have my own law firm and it's still up and coming, so there's not much to do. I've probably organised and reorganised my files three times this morning."

"Oh you're a lawyer? Interesting. I thought about going to law school but well, I'm more of an artist."

"Maybe you can do some artwork to spice up my office. I can't see it but I'm sure it'll look nice."

That made Steve blush, though he was interrupted from saying anything when his phone started going crazy.

"Ah. My friends must have heard I left. They live here in the city and I meant to call."

Matt looked in the direction of his phone in amusement, taking sips from his coffee and sitting back.

Steve responded to the text messages and listened to all the angry voicemails, laughing a little. His friends were right to worry but "If you're not dead already, I'm going to kill you" reminded him just how much he missed Natasha. He texted her that he was in a coffee shop in Hell's Kitchen and Natasha assured him that Sam was on his way. Then Matt's phone rang, an automated voice repeating "Foggy", and he stood to go take it.

The brunet came back a few moments later, smiling bashfully. It was probably the cutest thing Steve had ever saw. "I'm sorry about that. Lawyer business to attend to. My firm is Nelson and Murdock, and it's just around the corner." Steve stood to shake his hand, then they exchanged numbers and Matt was on his way.

It was Steve's turn to leave and boy was he afraid of the lecture he was bound to get.

 

* * *

 

 

"What the FUCK were you thinking?!"

"Nat..."

"No, don't "Nat" me, Rogers. You should have called me as soon as you left. What were you doing in Hell's Kitchen?! YOU COULD HAVE DIED." "Nat, let me just---" "AND DON'T THINK I'M OVERLOOKING THOSE FRESH HICKEYS."

Steve decided it was best to just let her yell, glancing at Sam occasionally who just lifted his hands in defense.

"What's with all the yelling? I put my hearing aids on for two seconds and that's all I hear. Can't a guy---Oh hey Steve."

The room went silent as none other than the man from the bar last night, Clint, walked out from a bedroom.

"How'd it go with Bucky? I'm assuming it went good since you got a hickey the size of America on your neck."

Steve blushed and kept his head down, all the while Natasha looked like she was literally going to kill someone.

After she calmed down and Steve finally got a chance to explain everything, Natasha sat down on the couch next to him and pulled him in a warm embrace.

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I know how much college meant to you. You can still apply next fall."

"Yeah, maybe. But I have about ten thousand dollars in my bank account as of now and I'd like to do something crazy with it. I figure new city, new me. And I'm so ready to make my liver hate me."

The four of them started brainstorming ideas, some of which couldn't actually happen, but they settled on s road trip. Specifically a road trip to Las Vegas. It wouldn't be until the next week and only for a few days but they were all excited.

First though, Steve would need to go shopping. There was an extra room in Natasha apartment (that she apparently shared with Sam and Clint) so he would be staying there for the time being. But he had only brought a couple days worth of clothes in his backpack and that was a problem for Natasha.

Before Steve could even have a moment to himself, the red head was wrapping a scarf around his neck and dragging him to her favorite shopping store.

Sam and Clint only came for the entertainment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when I said I had a plan for this?? I kinda abandoned it and this is the result. Bucky has an interesting story tho so maybe that should make up for it???
> 
> Again, kudos & comments light up my world!!!!! I'm honestly open to suggestions and concrit.
> 
> Also my tumblr is queersteverogers so don't be afraid to give me a shout there!! :)


	4. Just light me up when I'm down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is a sucker for crop tops and Bucky is a sucker for gender ambiguous blonds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a filler chapter and its eh in my book but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The first thing Bucky took note of when he woke up is he was alone. And cold. Blearily, he opened his eyes and the empty space next to him was all the confirmation he needed. What a shame. He really liked that blond.

It was already 11am and that made him shoot out of bed, realising he had a meeting to get to in thirty minutes. He didn't bother to rush much after that, though. He was the boss after all. He took a shower, picked out slim grey dress pants and a white button up, going for business casual but making sure to roll up the sleeves and show off his tattoos. People always got intimidated by them for some reason, so he used it to his advantage.

He almost overlooked the note left by Steve, and had to reread it a few times before he understood exactly what the last part meant. That adorable little fucker left before he woke up _and_ took his favorite pair of sunglasses! He's lucky that he's cute, or else that wouldn't fly so easily. He ordered his car to come around and fifteen minutes later, he was off. The whole way to his meeting, which would only last forty five minutes maximum, he couldn't help but think about Steve.

True to his prediction, he left the small warehouse thirty minutes later with new deals and no misunderstandings.

As he was going back to the city, he figured he could use some coffee and he needed a new pair of sunglasses anyways. Stopping at the strip mall only seemed logical, and he was not doing it just because he thought saw a blond that looked all too familiar duck into a store.

Definitely not the reason he was in a rush to park and nearly ran into that same store. Nope. He just needed sunglasses very badly.

* * *

 

 

Head still pounding in a dull manner and eyes still aching, Steve found himself browsing racks of clothing with little interest. Natasha picked out a few different things, forced him into three different stores already, and they'd only bought two pairs of jeans. Clint and Sam went to go get food and Natasha let him wander off in this store so he put his earphones in and adjusted the glasses on his face. He managed to take out his contacts but now he couldn't wear the sunglasses due to his prescription glasses and once again everything sucked.

At least he had some good jams, and this particular store was reasonably priced _and_ had appealing options. Steve was a sucker for crop tops. And were those high waisted shorts? Hell yeah he'd take them. He was scrawny but the universe took a break from hating him to grant him a glorious backside and a little bit of muscle his senior year of high school, not that it did much but at least he didn't look like a breeze could sweep him away. Maybe a very strong one could but that's beside the point.

After he had an armful of various clothes, he went to find Natasha but only succeeded in turning straight into someone. He really needed to stop doing that.

"Goddamn it. I'm sorry."

He couldn't really hear anything the stranger said but when he tried to walk away, a strong hand grabbed his wrist, so he took off his earphones and met the strangers eyes.

Only it wasn't a stranger.

It was Bucky.

And he was speaking.

"--sunglasses and now you're here, what a coincidence."

Steve blinked a few times, trying to make sense of everything, and thought it'd be best if he turned his hearing aid up. He was still wearing the same clothes from that morning and he felt a little embarrassed. "Yep. What a coincidence."

Bucky seemed to just now notice the hearing aid and he apologized....in sign language, which certainly took Steve by surprise.

Thankfully he was saved from replying when Natasha found them, her body language alert. "You know this guy, Steve?"

"Um....yeah. This is Bucky." He saw her eyebrows shoot up and she immediately checked him out, then smirked. Steve wanted the ground to swallow him up.

"Oh. Bucky, is it? I'm Natasha. Steve's best friend. Who was worried sick about him all night while he seemed to be having a great time, and not dying in a ditch."

"I'm....gonna go try these on." He got away before Natasha could do anything and ducked into the dressing rooms. Several minutes later he heard footsteps.

"Steve?" "In here."

He was about to wonder who it was when Bucky's form appeared in the stall he was in, and he scoffed as he sat down on the bench casually. He looked really good, like it was sinful how good he looked. But Steve shook his head and got dressed in a dark grey fitted crop top with a breast pocket and faded denim high waisted shorts.

He saw Bucky staring smugly at the sex bruises he was responsible for and raised his eyebrows at the tramp stamp Steve had, a hyperrealistic sunflower that he drew himself and was so proud that he just had to get it tattooed.

"Is there a reason you're in here?" Steve faced him and crossed his arms, a sculpted eyebrow quirking up. "Not to be rude, but I'm just curious."

"Because you're very attractive and I'd like to see more of you."

Both of Steve's eyebrows lifted now and he laughed, then rolled his eyes.

"You've already seen me naked, what's more to see?"

"You know what I mean."

"Maybe I do." He changed back into his outfit, and gathered all the clothes he had. They were all bound to fit since they were all the same size, then started to walk. "Maybe I don't."

Bucky stepped in front of him before he could go very far. "Let me take you out."

"Why should I?"

"You shouldn't, but if last night really was amazing to you, I wouldn't mind repeating it.

Steve's cheeks darkened considerably, and he bit his bottom lip, considering the offer.

"Fine, but I'm a very busy person."

Bucky looked pleased with himself either way so Steve leaned up on his tiptoes and kissed that expression right off his face, even slipping some tongue in, before slithering away and leaving Bucky breathless, half hard, and dazed in the middle of the dressing rooms.

Damn that punk.

* * *

 

 

Clint and Sam eventually came back, and smirks were plastered to their faces when they saw Bucky, who insisted to tag along. Steve was on the verge of dying until a bagel and coffee was shoved into his hands, and the shopping bags navigated their way to Bucky.

Steve and Natasha were in the front of the group, talking about various subjects, and the boys were left to hold everything. Clint and Sam were used to this apparently but Bucky was confused as to how he got roped into this. He wanted to come along and spend time with Steve, not carry bags. He decided it was worth it when Steve gave him heated kisses whenever it came down to just them two.

* * *

 

 

Natasha and Steve had a seemingly unbreakable bond. They had a air of confidence surrounding them that let everyone know they were not to be fucked with. Bucky admired that, especially since he needed that in his line of work, and it made him all the more attracted to Steve. Natasha earned his respect the moment she spoke.

It was obvious why they were best friends. It seemed as if they could read each other's minds, and they had signs just for them. Clint would join in the signing too, seemingly displeased at what they were saying, and Sam would throw in the occasional remark and an eye roll.

It was almost like Bucky wasn't even there, but he was happy to just observe. If he wanted to get to know Steve, he would have to get to know his friends. Finally they stopped off for lunch at some sandwich place that thankfully wasn't Subway, and Bucky chose that moment to finally talk to Steve.

"What are you listening to?"

Steve blinked at him, then offered up his other earphone and pressed play. It was a female singer, a slow song that spoke about how she felt when she lost her love. It had a killer guitar solo and the singer's voice was strong.

"The Pretty Reckless." Steve took a bite of his sandwich, tapping his free fingers on the table to the beat out of habit. "They're my favorite band. We're going to see them next week in Vegas."

"Really? They seem really amazing."

Steve quickly changed the song from the slowness of Nothing Left to Lose, to Goin' Down.

"This one is my favorite from this album. Their newer one is a bit more hardcore, you gotta build up to it before jumping in."

Bucky felt a pleasant ache in his chest, staring at Steve with what was probably a look of adoration. He was showing him his favorite song. That had to count for something, right?

Even if his favorite song was the lead singer trying to sex up a priest, confessing to murder, and going to hell at the age of 16.

* * *

 

 

Bucky offered to take them all home and Natasha invited him to stay and they would be going out that night, so he was invited to that as well. Steve disappeared into his room and Bucky agreed to stay a while.

Clint had to get to work, Sam had some last minute schoolwork to tend to, Natasha made up an excuse to leave to her room, though not before nodding towards Steve's room with a wink.

Bucky cautiously knocked on the door, and entered after he heard a muffled "come in".

"Oh. I thought you left."

"Can't get rid of me that easily."

"Never said I wanted to."

Steve was putting all his clothes away, shooting Bucky a smirk as he sat down on the bed. He noticed the room was pretty bare and the only things in there were basic furniture, Steve's backpack, and the clothes they just bought.

"How long have you been in the city?"

"About a day."

Before Bucky could comment, Steve's music filled the room and he paid him no more attention, so Bucky leaned back on the bed and made himself comfortable.

He must have fallen asleep because next thing he knew, Steve was straddling his hips and gently shaking him. He was dressed in black skin tight jeans that felt like leather and a navy blue v-neck, and Bucky was never more happy to wake up in his life. His hands went to Steve's thighs immediately, and he licked his lips as he checked him out indiscreetly.

"If you wanted to be on top of me, you could have just asked, baby."

Steve rolled his eyes but didn't move, so Bucky sat up and wrapped his arms around the blond's waist, burying his face in his neck. He noticed the hickeys on his neck and chest were covered and he frowned, but didn't say anything. Steve loosely hung his arms over Bucky's shoulders.

"I've got somewhere to be, you know. I let Sam and Nat go on without me, and I'm really looking forward to this club, so either you come with or you leave. Basically you just can't stay here." He slid off of him with that and Bucky groaned, then rubbed his eyes. He was almost thirty and his status didn't allow him to go freely clubbing, but Steve was so tempting.

"Alright fine. I'll go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just have lots of feelings about Steve wearing what he wants and being the confident little shit he is and listening to The Pretty Reckless and Bucky being so far gone on him ok  
> the next chapter is where the real fun happens tho  
> also title chapter is from Light Me Up by The Pretty Reckless bc they're my fave


	5. I get filthy when that liquor get into me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steve is hot shit, Bucky's still whipped, and Tony is.... Well, Tony.

They didn't have to wait at the club they were going to, SHIELD. Steve just took Bucky's hand, smiled at the bouncer, and they were let right in. Bucky could see the excitement radiating off Steve, and it amused him that he didn't seem to remember they were still holding hands. They quickly reunited with the group and Natasha gave Bucky a sly smile before handing over drinks and engaging with Steve in a conversation. It was only then that he dropped Bucky's hand.

The music was extremely loud and Bucky offhandedly noted that Steve didn't have his aid on.

Steve took three shots and finished whatever Natasha gave him before some guy who looked to be around the same age as Bucky came up and asked him to dance, to which he downed another shot and let himself be dragged off. Bucky felt a twinge of jealousy, and Steve sent him a filthy look as he rolled his hips against the other man's in time with the song playing.

Bucky almost had a heart attack watching them so he turned his attention back to the bar and ordered the strongest drink they had.

Steve hadn't left the dance floor, but his dancing partners varied. He always seemed to make eye contact with Bucky, especially when the guy he was dancing with got handsy. Bucky cursed semi loudly, took a shot, and made his way over.

He slotted behind Steve when he was free and Steve chuckled as another man, one he knew, occupied his front. Bucky felt a surge of annoyance, and looked up to see who it was.

Of course it had to be Tony Stark, a rival "business partner" of Bucky's. He had his fingers linked in Steve's belt loops and made eye contact with Bucky, almost daring him to do something. Bucky pulled Steve closer and tightened his grip on Steve's hips.

Steve felt the tug of war going on and leaned against Bucky, pulling Tony flush against him.

"Play nice boys, plenty to go around." He wasn't sure what feud was going on with them but Steve was pleasantly satisfied with the extra grinding. The blond located his friends, who were grinding together surprisingly, and then looked at him with raised eyebrows and questioning glances. He just sent them a wink and turned his attention back to the boys, who seemed to be silently competing still. After the song ended, he stopped moving and unhooked himself from each man, then made his way to the bar. Whatever fight they had, Steve wouldn't be used in it. He wouldn't say no to a threesome though, if they could get over themselves. That would certainly be an interesting night.

* * *

 

Steve was positively wrecked. He lost count of how much alcohol he consumed and he was barely aware for the mediocre blowjob he received in the bathroom, and he definitely didn't know who gave it to him. When he left the bathroom a few minutes later, Natasha immediately grabbed his hand and they left the club. Apparently Bucky and Tony really did fight, and now they got kicked out. Steve was angry but he supposed it was time they left anyways.

"Come on, assholes." He slightly slurred and grabbed a hand of each of the men in question, and they all walked back to Natasha's apartment. Bucky and Tony were fuming but neither would leave, in case the other got to be with Steve.

In the end, they both got to be with Steve because he passed out on the couch almost as soon as they got home. He took his contacts out first then he was out like a light. His head was in Bucky's lap and his feet were in Tony's, and Natasha was giving them shit about something. Steve was already snoring lightly at that point.

When he woke up the next morning, he was in his bed and snuggled up between two warm, solid masses. There were snores coming from either side and he blindly reached out to find what was vibrating underneath him. He was hungover as hell and everything hurt but he knows for a fact he didn't have sex, so what the fuck was going on.

He found the vibrating thing, which was his phone, and answered without opening his eyes.

"Hello?"

"Steve? It's Matt. Is this a bad time?"

Who the fuck was Matt, first of all.

"No, not a bad time. What's up?"

"I was wondering if we could meet up for lunch. I was serious about having you paint something for my office, if you're interested. If you're busy, we can reschedule."

Oh. That was Matt. Right.

"Yeah sure. What time is it? And where do you wanna meet?"

"I was thinking we could meet at the coffee shop and then we'll go from there. It's almost 11."

"Okay. Meet you in an hour?"

"Sounds great. See you soon."

Steve hung up after saying goodbye, then forced himself to be fully awake. The first thing he saw was Tony's neck and he felt Bucky's arm around his waist. Steve made a noise of slight annoyance and didn't bother to be sly as he got up, earning groans from the men in his bed.

"I swear, you're both like children. Get up. I'm annoyed, hungover, and I have a lunch date to prepare for. I'm in no mood to deal with your petulance."

They let out a whines as if on cue.

* * *

 

Steve took a shower and drank a cup of coffee, yet Tony and Bucky were still in his bed when he came back. Only now they were curled up together. Steve took a picture and couldn't stop laughing, which only intensified when they woke up and almost jumped out of bed. Tony even fell on the floor and Bucky yelled in a quite high pitched tone.

While they gathered themselves, Steve changed into dark blue denim skinny jeans, a long sleeve black shirt that showed a strip of his stomach, black converse, an oversized cardigan, and threw a beanie on his head. He covered up the faded hickeys still visible, which made Bucky gloat about it to Tony. He paid their ridiculous bickering no mind, slipping on his backpack that only had his sketchbooks and pencils in it now, and moved Tony out of the way to grab his phone from the nightstand.

"Alright. Well I'm off to my lunch date. There's fresh coffee but if either of you are here when I get back, I'm calling the cops."

He put his hearing aid into place and situated his glasses, then winked and left without another word.

The shocked faces that he saw in response were all he needed to get him in a good mood. 

* * *

 

Steve decided to walk to the shop in Hell's Kitchen, but he progressively got colder as the breeze picked up. Finally he reached the shop and was so glad with how warm it was, and he was about to call Matt before he saw him sitting where they sat the day before. He was wearing casual clothes, jeans and a sweater with a jacket over it. Steve thought it was the cutest thing as he made his way over.

"Hey!"

Matt grinned in his direction and stood. Steve found himself at a loss of breath.

"So. Just a heads up, I'm hungover again."

Matt started walking towards the door, laughing. Then when they got out into the world, he held his arm out and Steve blushed but linked their arms.

"It's perfectly alright, although I don't think your liver appreciates it."

"My liver will get over it."

Steve got closer to Matt unconsciously, pulling the cardigan tighter around his body. Matt noticed and the corners of his lips perked up, but Steve was focusing on warmth, so when they stopped and Matt stripped off his jacket to give to Steve as he started to shiver, Steve's cheeks went impossibly darker.

"I know a great place to go to for hangovers. I would like to take you to my office first so you can see the area, if that's alright."

"Perfectly fine with me."

They walked a block or two more before coming up on a building that looked more like apartments than a law firm but Steve didn't question it. When they got to the office itself, Steve couldn't help but giggle when he saw the sign.

"Classy."

"We have a fancy one, but it's inside."

Matt opened the door and Steve was greeted with two other blondes. Maybe Matt had a type.

"Oh hello." He politely smiled, pointedly ignoring the weird looks he got, and let go of Matt to shake their hands. "I'm Steve."

"Foggy."

"Karen."

They shared another look and Steve noticed that he was once again extremely out of place.

"I asked Steve if he was open to decorating this place a bit. He's an artist." Matt chimed in the explanation, and Steve began to look at the walls. It was very bland indeed.

"I brought some of my sketches. I usually focus on people but I can do landscape." He took the books from his bag and passed one to each of the others, minus Matt. It was silent for a while and Steve briefly thought about jumping out the window before-

"Wow. These are amazing."

Steve smiled, his cheeks turning pink.

"I work with pencil mostly, as you can see, but there's a few water colors in there and I think that would really bring life to the room. It doesn't have to be a boring office to go with the boring lawyer stereotype."

That got a few chuckles at least, then his sketchbooks were being handed back.

"That's great but we can't pay you even if we wanted to," the blond male, Foggy, bluntly stated.

"That's fine. I was going to do it for free anyways."

"Steve..."

"Matt, think of it as a thank you gift."

"Thank you for what?" It was Karen that spoke now, and Foggy was just as confused.

"I'm somewhat new to the city and Matt helped me when I got lost. I literally bumped into him on the street and he bought me coffee."

It was once again silent, and Steve felt like he did something wrong.

"Well! We must be going. I promised Steve lunch." Matt linked their arms and hurried off, leaving Steve to give a quick goodbye.

"Did you see the bruises on his hips? And who even dresses like that? I'm pretty sure that was Matt's jacket on his shoulders too."

"Do you think....he and Mat....?"

"No. I'd know if Matt was into dudes."

"Well he seemed to be fond of Steve, and Steve was definitely giving him a fond look back. He was blushing like crazy."

"No way. There's just....No."

"I don't know, Foggy. Coffee first and now a lunch date? Seems pretty---wait. Why were you looking at his hips?"

"Well. They were.... He was wearing a crop top.... and his hips were... It's not like I was.... Karen, his hips were on display for the world and I just happened to notice them. It isn't a crime. I have eyes you know." Foggy huffed, getting flustered. "I have paperwork to do." And with that he went to his office and shut the door.

* * *

 

Matt and Steve were halfway through their meals and Steve's head was feeling a whole lot better.... Until his phone rang, that is. He excused himself and stepped away to answer.

"Um, hello?"

"Hey Steve. It's Bucky. Natasha gave me your number."

"Of course she did. What do you want? I'm a little busy right now."

"Oh. Um. Well. I still want to take you out. If you still want to go. I'm free whenever you are."

"Sure. Fine. Is that all?"

"Stark proclaimed that he wouldn't leave your room until you came back. I respected your wishes and was gone almost as soon as you were. Just so you know."

"I'll deal with Tony. Call you later."

He hung up without listening to what Bucky said and hit his head on the nearest wall. Damnit, Tony All he wanted was a nice lunch with a cute guy that smelled like heaven and he couldn't even have that. Speaking of which, he was probably thinking Steve ditched him, so he made his way back briefly.  "I'm so sorry. I have to make another call but I'll try to be as quick as I can."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes. Just people who don't know the meaning of "get out of my house" is all."

Matt raised his eyebrows, a soft chuckle leaving his lips.

"That doesn't sound right."

"Well that's Tony Stark for you. Be right back."

He went back to the same secluded space he was previously and dialled Tony's number.

"Hello, gorgeous. Miss me already?"

"Not even close. Bucky said you wouldn't leave the house. I thought we already had the boundaries talk, Tony."

"Yeah but you're finally in town. I haven't seen you since graduation. Is it that bad to want to spend time with you after ages apart?"

"Yes, especially since your definition of spending time means seeing your way into my pants. Now please leave my house or I'm calling Pepper."

"Spoilsport. You can't resist me forever, Rogers. I remember exactly the spots that make you----"

"Goodbye, Tony!"

Steve took in a deep breath, sent a quick text to Pepper to extract her boss from his house, and got back to lovely Matt who was waiting patiently at their table and was possibly his favorite person in the world right now.

* * *

 

"Can you really see people's faces through your hands? That sounds like something out of a B grade horror film."

Matt let out a hearty laugh, one that made Steve laugh as well.

"Not actually see but I can draw conclusions based on your features."

"Hm. Interesting. Do it."

"What?"

"Get a feel for what I look like." Steve replied in a somewhat teasing tone. They had reached his apartment a few minutes ago but Steve just didn't want to stop the conversation.

Matt ignored the tone, a soft smile gracing his lips as he felt Steve guide his hands to his cheeks.

"First of all you have really soft skin." Steve chuckled, but was cut off with a gasp when Matt's thumb brushed against his slightly parted lips. He kept that hand there while the other delicately traced his brow bone, making Steve's eyes flutter shut. The gentle hand grazed over his eyelids, and the thumb on his lips caressed his bottom lips softly. When Steve opened his eyes, he noticed that Matt was significantly closer. Their lips were just an inch or two apart. Steve carefully removed the red glasses from his eyes as the brunet's hands slid to Steve's ears, and brushed against the hearing aid, a thumb lightly stroking his cheekbone. It seemed as though Matt was leaning in, and Steve was about to meet him halfway when a loud cough interrupted the moment and forced Steve to breathe again, making him move away reluctantly to look at none other than his best friend, Natasha, who was doing an awful job of best friend.

"Sorry to interrupt what I'm sure would have been a lovely first kiss but Steve? I need to speak with you. Urgently."

"What is so important that you needed to chose right now to---"

"Your parents are in my living room."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love that bisexual Matt Murdock tbh.  
> This was actually extremely fun to write.  
> I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible but even I don't know why the hell Steve's parents are there.


	6. I won't say I'm in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky turns up and Harry Potter is involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took a little longer than usual for an update but school's coming up and I had to force myself to get this one out before real life punches me in the face  
> speaking of which, I'm gonna try to update once a week, maybe twice if I can, but just bear with me

"What are you doing here?" were the first words Steve bitterly spat out as soon as he walked in the door. It was obvious that his 'parents' were doing their best to not look uncomfortable, but Ann was clutching tightly to her purse and Walter's leg was bouncing.

Matt had offered to come with him, since they had talked about Steve's adoptive parents and he knew how angry Steve was, standing slightly behind Steve, holding his arm softly. It was for comfort more than anything.

"Steve, honey, we just want you to come home. We can put the incident behind us and move on."

"I am home. I live here now. I took everything I needed and I don't care what you do with the rest. Now, Natasha has classes to get to and I have nothing further to say, nothing polite anyways. Thank you for coming and please don't come back again."

Steve kept a cold face on, refusing to show them how hurt he really was. He didn't need them. He stopped needing them as soon as he graduated. They weren't even his real parents and Steve wasn't in the mood to entertain.

Sighing, they stood up and slowly walked to the door, pausing to try to touch Steve, though only succeeded in pissing him off more, so he just guided Matt to his bedroom without another word.

"Well that was the biggest waste of my time. I can't believe they had the audacity to drive over here and tell me to go back after what they did. And ruin the moment on top of it."

Matt slowly sat on the bed whereas Steve plopped down on his stomach, face directly in the pillows.

"I do have to admit I am a little frustrated as well. Don't you need your stuff though?"

"I brought everything I owned. That's all I need." He glanced to the picture of his mother on his nightstand, sighing heavily. "All I know is I want to sleep for roughly six years. Care to join?" Steve was comfortable with Matt. It was almost like an instinct to trust him.

"If you'd like me to." And with that, the brunet moved against the headboard and Steve scooted so his head rested on Matt's chest, kicking his shoes off and falling asleep almost instantly.

* * *

 

The sun was low in the sky when Steve woke up, dazed but unbelievably relaxed. It was then he noticed a soothing hand in his hair and a steady heartbeat beneath his ear, making him smile and cuddle closer.

"Ah you're awake. Feel better?"

"Mmhm." Steve couldn't exactly hear, and it dawned on him and Matt had removed his glasses and hearing aid at some point. Hm. Interesting.

"M'starving. Pizza?"

Matt chuckled and the vibration tickled against Steve's face, making him smile more. He reluctantly sat up and searched for his phone, noticing he had a few texts from various people.

 **Nat** : going out tonight with the boys. you and whatever his name is looked too cute to disturb. the house should be empty for a while. ;)

 

 

Steve rolled his eyes, then called the pizza place without checking further messages. He was just settling back to his previous spot when Matt's phone rang, obvious it was Foggy, but Steve didn't pay attention.

Not until he heard "Okay, I'll be right there." He wasn't ashamed to say he felt more than disappointed.

"As much as I'd love to stay in and eat pizza, I'm afraid I'm needed back at the firm." Matt truly did sound remorseful, and Steve smiled a little as he sat up.

"I didn't want to share my pizza anyways." Steve laughed half heartedly. They sat in silence for a few moments, and Steve noticed they were suddenly closer than they were a few seconds ago. Matt reached out to touch his face gently, and Steve leaned in to rest their foreheads together. Soon enough they were kissing, and it ended all too quickly when there was a knock on the door.

"The universe just doesn't want us to kiss, I suppose."

Steve was only mildly annoyed as he got up to go to the door, Matt staying behind to put his shoes back on.

"How much do I---oh. You're not pizza."

Pizza it wasn't. Bucky, however, it was. He looked a little out of breath and his cheeks were flushed, but he was still impeccably dressed and his hair was down this time. Steve was sure he looked rumpled and like he was on drugs. And he was still wearing Matt's jacket.

Speaking of Matt, the man came out at the moment and appeared by Steve's side looking equally rumpled but less drug addict. His lips were still a little red from their kiss.

"Oh. Is this a bad time?"

Matt, surprisingly, spoke before Steve could. "Not at all. I was just leaving." He was being genuinely friendly, and placed his hand on Steve's arm so he could be guided out.

"Um. Okay. Just make yourself at home, Bucky. I'll be right back."

They switched spots and Steve made his way down the stairs with Matt, feeling more than a little awkward that the two men had just met. Steve waved down a taxi when they were outside and smiled kindly at Matt as he opened the car door.

"Thank you for lunch and sorry that I drooled on you."

Matt laughed kindly and tentatively gave Steve another kiss, one less chaste than before, and it definitely lasted longer.

"Don't worry about it. It was a privilege to be drooled on. I'll talk to you later, Steve. Keep the jacket. I'm sure it looks much better on you than it does on me."

Steve blushed and with one last tiny kiss, Matt was off. He headed back at the same time the pizza got there, so he walked in with it and saw Bucky sitting tensely on the couch, jaw tight and hands clasped together even tighter.

"Is everything alright?"

Steve sat down next to the other man, placing the pizza on the coffee table. After getting no response he could hear, he lifted Bucky's chin and made him look into his eyes.

"Bucky?"

"Sorry. I was just in the neighborhood. I sent you a text. I didn't mean to--I didn't know you were--"

"Oh that was my fault. I came home and I just crashed. I think I left my phone on silent. Help yourself to some pizza if you want, I'll be just a moment." He gave Bucky's cheek a kiss, which seemed to make the man relax a little, and went to his room.

He changed into something more comfortable, fitted black sweatpants and a shirt just a tad loose on him. He put his hearing aid back on and pushed his glasses up on his nose, returning to Bucky phone in hand as he checked his messages. Sure enough he did have a couple from Bucky, and he felt a little bad for not answering.

"Steve--"

Bucky was looking at him with a strange expression, and Steve was becoming more and more alarmed. Bucky was usually smooth talking and flirty. Maybe Steve wasn't supposed to change.

"Oh shit. I forgot. You wanted to go somewhere right? I could go change back, if you—"

"No!" Steve was shocked at how Bucky practically yelled, and apparently so was Bucky.

"I mean. No. It's fine. We can stay in. I think there's a Harry Potter marathon going on tonight."

"You like Harry Potter?" 

"Of course I like Harry Potter. Who doesn't?"

"Ignorant muggles."

Steve almost choked on the slice of pizza he was eating when Bucky lifted up his sleeve to show the deatheater tattoo on his forearm.

"That's so rad!" Steve started to touch it without even thinking, then blushed when he realised he was fawning over Bucky's arm and turned away to switch on the TV.

* * *

 

When Goblet of Fire came around, Steve and Bucky were snuggled together under Steve's comforter. Bucky had ran, quite literally, to the corner store for snacks during the commercial break and Steve didn't tell him that they were able to pause it until after he came back.

Steve found out that Bucky was actually a huge fucking nerd and it warmed his heart whenever he started to recite the scenes and tell him things that happened and didn't happen in the books. Steve, of course, already knew these things but Bucky was so cute, he didn't have the heart to stop him.

Another commercial break came along and Steve needed to stretch, sighing when his bones popped and laughing at the disturbed look on Bucky's face.

"That was the most gross thing I have ever heard."

"It's totally not. It's like when you pop your knuckles except it's all over."

"It literally sounded like you were breaking all your bones at once."

Steve rolled his eyes and sat up, smiling fondly. He went to the kitchen to put the extra pizza away and jumped on top of Bucky when the movie came back on, not wanting to miss a moment.

He sat on top of Bucky's legs until the next commercial break, when he was pulled down and became face to face with him. He was laughing a little, though it quickly died down when he saw that Bucky wasn't laughing, just smiling and looking at Steve with that same look he had when they slept together, minus the lust.

It was almost too much for Steve so he wiggled down a bit and rested his head on Bucky's chest, absentmindedly chewing on a Redvine (a love for A Very Potter Musical was another thing they had in common).

They switched positions once more during Half-Blood Prince and now Bucky was in between Steve's legs, his head on his chest, and Steve's fingers were softly running through his hair. He only noticed he was asleep when it was quiet and he wasn't quoting anymore.

Steve, having slept earlier, continued to watch the movie. Well he tried anyways. Bucky's snoring soon became just a little too loud when Deathly Hallows came around and Steve was focused more on not laughing so he didn't wake Bucky up.

They stayed that way just about the whole night, Steve flipping channels for a while when the marathon ended then browsing through Netflix. The rest of his housemates came in around three in the morning, and Natasha was about to shout something when Steve's hand shot up to spell out Q-U-I-E-T.

They heard Bucky snoring before they saw him, and Natasha raised her eyebrows at him.

" _Two guys in one night?_ "

Steve shrugged, then signed that it wasn't his plan at all.

It was peaceful until Clint and Sam started fighting over the last slice of pizza, and Bucky started to stir.

"Wha'timeisit?" Steve furrowed his eyebrows, unable to catch whatever Bucky said until he lifted up his wrist and tapped it.

"Oh. It's almost four in the morning."

Bucky made an affirmative noise and Steve thought he went back to sleep until he shot up and rubbed at his eyes. "Fuck. I missed the movies."

Steve laughed, and noticed it was eerily quiet from a few moments ago. Everyone found a room to go in and they were alone again for the most part.

"You look like you had a rough day so you deserved to sleep. Has anyone ever told you you snore like Bombur from The Hobbit? Because you do."

Bucky's cheeks flushed red and Steve took his hand, guiding him up and back to his bedroom.

"Free for all on the coffee table!" He shouted, and next thing he knew Clint was running out of the room to get at the snacks they left, laughing as he closed the door. Bucky broke away to collapse on the bed, and Steve was searching around for his sketchbook when Bucky's voice rang out.

"Who was that earlier?"

"Hm?"

"That guy that left when I came in."

"Why? Are you jealous?"

"No." Bucky said too quickly, and Steve laughed.

"Sure, Buck. Matt's a friend. He asked me to decorate his law firm over lunch and then he came over."

"I don't kiss my friends like that..." Bucky sounded like a dejected child.

"What?"

"I said that's great. I'm gonna go back to sleep."

Steve grinned at him, forgetting about his sketchbook as he crawled over the bed and removed Bucky's hands from his face.

"You're cute when you're jealous."

"M'not jealous."

"Uh-huh. Could've fooled me if you hadn't asked about him."

"M'not. Why would I be jealous?"

"Because you wanted to take me out and I was with another guy. And I'm cute."

"Oh. Real modest, ain't ya?"

Steve sat on his hips, still grinning like a mad man.

"All I did was kiss him a little. He initiated it first and who am I to deny a cute Catholic lawyer the right to sin?"

"Mmhm."

"You get attached to people very quickly."

"I do not."

"Okay so you just spy on everyone you want to take out."

"I wasn't spying. I just looked out the window and you happened to be there."

"And then you were all weird and tense when I came back in. Known me for maybe a whole day and you're already head over heels in love. Can't say I'm surprised, I know I'm irreisitable." He wiggled his eyebrows. 

"Keep dreaming, sweatheart."

Steve pressed a small kiss to Bucky's lips, moving away so he could go back to the search for his book.

"I'm very fond of how cliché you are."

"Shut up, Steve." A pillow flew by and just missed his head.

"I like my men feisty." He chuckled and threw the pillow back. "But I liked you better when you were quiet and not confessing your undying love for me through your jealousy."

This time the pillow hit its target.

* * *

 

Bucky woke up with a slight weight pressed against his chest and his arms wrapped around something warm. He would have thought it was a pillow if not for the fingers intertwined with his.

As he opened his eyes, he saw nothing but blond. Smiling, he scooted closer, pressing small kisses on Steve's head and neck.

"Tryna' sleep, Buck" the smaller man grumbled, though he just shifted closer. Bucky hummed softly, nuzzling his face in the soft skin. He must've fallen asleep again, because he was alone when he opened his eyes. And he was about to consider it being all a dream until he noticed he definitely was not home and there was loud music playing out in the living room.

Bucky stretched then wandered out to find Steve in front of a large canvas, wearing no pants, and looking the cutest Bucky had ever seen him. He didn't want to disrupt his attitude but Steve saw him before he could even do anything and the grin he gave him almost made Bucky melt to the floor.

"Good morning, sleepy-head!" He turned down the music a little then made his way over to give him a kiss. "Well it's afternoon but whatever." He was slightly covered in paint, and he had a stripe of blue across his cheek that matched his eyes. Bucky had never seen a more beautiful person.

"Wait. It's afternoon? Shit."

He started to rush around to find his shoes and small items he brought.

"Fuck. I'm so sorry. I got to go but I'll be back as soon as I can if you want me to."

"Yeah sure. Whatever you want to do." Steve smiled, then gave him one last kiss before returning to his painting.

Bucky hated his responsibilities at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next we'll find out about Bucky's ~mysterious~ job  
> also the italic part is supposed to be Natasha signing but I know very little about sign language so I hope I didn't phrase it wrong?  
> and I refrained from Steve signing his response as well so sorry if it's wrong anyways, I'm learning!


	7. You lift my heart up when the rest of me is down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's side job sucks but Steve makes everything better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay finally got around the updating!!!  
> i'm still iffy about the first part but i'm posting anyways bc everything after that was so fun to write  
> all errors are on me!!
> 
> also the word "slut" is said in this chapter and i'm deeply sorry if this offends anyone. i'm not trying to cause harm, just incorporating a meme into my writing because i'm trash.
> 
> let me know if you have a problem with it and i'll take it out!!! :)
> 
> other wise enjoy the cliché gay

"Ah, James. Finally decided to show up. We started without you."

"I was busy."

"And you think we aren't? This business does not revolve around you and if I'm going to be disrespected further, you will have a pretty big problem on your hands."

The warehouse was empty except for five people. It was unnecessary to meet at this huge building on the outskirts of town like some crappy Mafia movie but these people loved to be dramatic. Bucky never said anything but it always made him groan when they gathered in places like this. Of course, it isn't like they could all be seen together in the city, so this had to do for now.

"Let's get back to it then. The four of us have agreed that your services have been exemplary. Your mother taught you well, James. You're almost as good as her. No major trouble so far on any of the trade, but I hear there's minor mishaps all over the city. James? You hear that too?"

A short, bald Italian man was speaking. He was like family as this point, but he wouldn't let that get in the way of the deals. They called him Alfonso during business hours but anyone who really knew him called him Fonzie. He was the head honcho. Following him was Bucky, then Marie "May" Corti who controlled the content coming in and out and ran the Bronx, next was Antonio and Dante. They were the brawl to the brains mostly but they were still sharp. Alfonso needed everyone to be smart so no rash decisions would be made.

"I've heard many things and I'm not sure which one is true but we can count on the Russians making a move. I think it'd be best to have everyone alert because we have a system of peace going on finally."

"I agree. The next load is coming soon and it's a big one." May spoke up, and the rest of the meeting went to planning the defensive measures.

The only reason Bucky was talking so much is because he wanted to get back to Steve.

* * *

 

It took two and a half hours for everything to be put together at last. Bucky raced to his apartment, mentally exhausted but in need of an escape. He was tired of being James. He didn't want to be involved in all this but it wasn't like he could leave now. With Steve, though, he could just be Bucky. He didn't have to worry about numbers or protection. He could focus on that cute blond and giving him everything he could ever want, even if want he wanted wasn't Bucky.

**bucky** : get dressed.

**steve** : fancy or not fancy?

**bucky** : however you want to dress.

**steve** : okay :)

Bucky grinned at the little smiley face. And as he himself got dressed, he already felt the day getting better.

* * *

 

Steve was excited to say the least. He's always wanted a "get dressed" text and now that he finally got one, he doesn't know what to do. He cleaned up his art area and put his canvas safely away to dry, then showered and now he was panicking.

Okay. Bucky said however he wants to dress. Cool. He could do that. Except he doesn't know how he wants to dress and he doesn't know how Bucky is going to dress.

"Jeans. Those are good, right?" Steve shook his head, rolling his eyes at himself for talking out loud to no one. He was being ridiculous about this.

He kept it everyday with acid wash skinny jeans and a long sleeved dark grey shirt that was longer than a crop top but still showed some skin, just in case. He slid on some boots and pretended like he didn't just fussed with his hair for a hour when Bucky arrived.

Steve suddenly forgot that he was acting cool because Bucky looked damn good in black jeans and a short sleeved button up that showed his covered arms. Steve was such a slut for tattoos, and the way Bucky held his leather jacket over his shoulder like James Dean wasn't helping either.

"Ready?"

He was glad he already had everything he needed in his pockets because all Steve could do was nod and walk out after locking the door.

Bucky came on his motorcycle and that made Steve more crazy with attraction.

"Where are we going?" He finally spoke up as they were getting situated.

"You'll see."

They ended up at Coney Island. As soon as Steve saw the lights, he was grinning. He hadn't been here since was a kid and it was the best moments he had of his childhood. He was dragging a chuckling Bucky along by his hand as soon as he parked the motorcycle. They bought tickets but all Steve wanted was cotton candy and as soon as he got it, he was like a small giddy child. Bucky was happier than he'd been in a long time.

Steve pulled him to the rails over looking the ocean, and was still grinning as he offered Bucky some cotton candy.

"I haven't been here since I was little. It was way different then but I still love it."

"I've actually.....never been until now."

"What?! How can you not go to Coney Island at least once?"

Bucky looked out to the ocean, his grin fading to a closed smile. "My parents were busy."

Steve nodded, quietly eating his cotton candy and looking down. "I only went once. I was sick a lot as a child but there was this one month where I was doing really good. My mom got a bonus that month too and the first thing we did was come here. We went on all the rides but I threw up on the Cyclone. We stayed to watch the fireworks though."

He laughed a little, remembering how he tried to act like he was fine so they didn't leave.

"We didn't get to go again because she died three months later. Cancer." It was Steve's turn to look sadly at the ocean. Bucky felt touched that Steve shared this with him, and he wanted to kiss him until that sad smile went away. He could do anything in the end, because Steve's demeanor changed as soon as he finished the cotton candy.

"Let's go. I want to get on a roller coaster."

Bucky let Steve lead him to whatever ride he wanted and kissed his hand when they were in line.

* * *

 

"THAT WAS SO AMAZING."

"Speak for yourself."

"I never knew you could scream that high. Is your throat alright? Do you need some water?"

"Shut up."

Steve was laughing madly as Bucky's cheeks got progressively redder. He wasn't a big fan of roller coasters to begin with, but Steve made him brave and that braveness lasted about ten minutes.

"The line for the Wonder Wheel isn't long. Wanna get on that?"

"That sounds a lot better than the Thunderbolt."

They waited in silence, Steve was wind blown and full of excitement, Bucky was trying to not have a heart attack.

When it was their turn, they boarded the little cart and Steve settled happily, their joined hands resting in his lap.

"This one is my favorite. I like to see the stars when I'm on top. It's so beautiful."

He grinned at Bucky and every bad thing Bucky felt went away. They moved a little and Bucky couldn't look away from Steve.

"How old were you?"

"When?"

"When your mom died."

Steve took in a big breath, then met Bucky's eyes.

"I was nine. My dad died when I was a baby and I didn't have any living relatives that came forward. I was in the foster system until I was sixteen when I was adopted. They treated me a hell of a lot better than the foster parents but...well, they're why I'm back in the city. I was so set on going to college anywhere that isn't in Delaware and they kept all my letters from me. I worked myself to the bone just to raise money to pay for half the tuition since they claimed not to have enough money despite them sending all their biological kids to college and I wasn't able to get a scholarship so they ruined everything. I can't apply until next fall and I don't even care. I realized that I just wanted to get out of that house and I left after that. I got in my car and I drove until the gas tank was empty."

Steve laughed and it lacked humor, and he looked out to see that they were almost at the top now.

"Sorry. That was probably a lot more than you wanted to know."

"Don't apologize, Steve. I really appreciate you telling me. The whole reason I wanted to take you out was to get to know you better."

"I really didn't have a place to stay, you know, that night you took me home. That was my first night here. I'm really glad you did."

"I'm really glad I did too."

The sun had already set when they reached the top. Steve was smiling at the stars, but Bucky was looking at something more beautiful. He took in all of Steve's features, and tried to imagine nine year old him looking up at the stars. He was so overcome with affection for Steve, so intoxicated on how he made him feel, that he started to kiss Steve's jaw and worked up.

Steve turned and Bucky finally got to kiss those cotton candied lips.

They kissed until they were back to the bottom, and neither of them wanted to stop. They agreed to go down to the beach for a little while until Steve stopped dead in his tracks, pointing toward a booth.

"I need that."

It was a huge fluffy tiger and Bucky was about to roll his eyes when Steve turned to him, completely serious.

"I really, really need that."

Bucky couldn't say no. He just couldn't let Steve go without that tiger. Especially when he had the biggest puppy dog eyes in the world.

So Bucky was going to win him that damn stuffed tiger.

* * *

 

Five tries and fifteen bucks later, Steve was once again grinning like a child. Only now he was hugging a tiger and was tucked under Bucky's arm happily. Bucky led them to a secluded area on the beach where they could watch the fireworks. They spent the whole time kissing then the fireworks were over and they walked back to Bucky's motor cycle, but Steve was biting his lip and looking a little dejected.

"What's wrong?" Bucky was immediately worried he fucked up.

"I....I don't want to end the night yet."

Bucky lit up and revved the engine, grinning deviously.

"No one said it was over."

* * *

 

They stopped by Steve's apartment so he could put down the stuffed animal and tell his friends that he'd be out all night so not to worry, and then they went to Bucky's apartment to grab a bag that Bucky had packed prior. Steve had no clue what was going on and the bulky bag on his back gave him no indication to what Bucky had in mind.

They got back on the bike and drove until they were on the outskirts of town, where they stopped for gas and snacks. It was about ten pm now, and Steve started to get impatient.

"Buckyyyy" he whined, taking the bag off so Bucky could put the snacks in there without Steve seeing inside it. He laid out on the motorcycle, pouting up at the older man. "Where are we gooooingggg?"

Bucky leaned down to kiss him, then smiled. "We're almost there. I promise you're gonna like it."

"Are you a psycho killer? Are you taking me out in the middle of nowhere to brutally murder me? Do I need to tell the cashier to call the cops?"

"No." Bucky laughed wholeheartedly and lifted Steve up so he could put the backpack on, then replaced the gas pump and got situated. He squeezed Steve's hands when they wrapped around him, and released the kickstand.

"You're just lucky you look hot on your motorcycle."

Half an hour later, Bucky pulled in to a field near a lake. It was surrounded by trees and to get there, you had to go through a small path, but they made it. MBucky picked a spot and parked the bike, and Steve hurried off to stretch his legs.

"Your chances of being a psycho killer just skyrocketed and now I'm slightly worried."

"Don't be, sweetheart. Just give me the bag. It'll make sense."

Steve handed over the heavy backpack and Bucky proceeded to pull out two blankets, a tent, and a lantern looking thing. How the fuck that all fit in a bag, Steve wasn't sure, but he was too fascinated by Bucky effortlessly putting the tent together in the dim lamp light to comment.

It was a small tent, big enough for two grown men, but since Steve was smaller than the average grown man, there was a little more room. Bucky set the blankets up and put their snacks in there before climbing in, Steve following.

"I've never been camping before. Well. I have but not in a tent kind of camping. If you can call this camping."

Bucky smiled and laid down on his back. There was a bug net at the top and a flap that pulled back so the sky was shown, and Steve turned off the lamp so they could both look up at the stars.

They laid in silence for a while, hands joined and enjoying the night sky as it should be without light pollution. Steve got a little restless thirty minutes in. He's been wanting to jump Bucky's bones since he first saw him and he forgot about it on the way over here but now he wanted to more than ever. He opened up to Bucky and Bucky gave him the best date of his life in return. He felt drunk with emotions and he just wanted to show Bucky he was thankful.

Bucky had already dosed off, so Steve started slow. He kissed his hand then up his arm then on his neck, nibbling a little.

"Steve...what're ya doin'?"

He grinned against the warm flesh of his neck, crawling on top of Bucky and placing the other man's hands on his ass in response.

"Oh."

Bucky gave his plush bottom a gracious squeeze as Steve worked his way up to his mouth. He started to unbutton Bucky's shirt and Bucky was in awe of how beautiful Steve looked in the moonlight.

Bucky ran his hands up Steve's sides then came to settle them on his waist, moving so Steve's ass was rubbing against his dick. Steve's quiet little gasps turned into a loud moan, and he moved his hips on his own when Bucky pulled Steve's shirt off. He brought him down for a kiss, then flipped them over gently, pulling Steve's jeans off and shedding his own clothes.

"Do you even own a pair of underwear?"

"I haven't worn underwear since I was eighteen, my jeans are too tight for that."

Bucky groaned. Of course Steve would say that. He felt around for the bag he brought and pulled out lube and a condom, then a small washcloth.

"I was really optimistic I'd get the chance to have sex with you again."

"It seems like luck is on your side."

Bucky grinned and coated his fingers as he attached his mouth to Steve's neck, loving how loud Steve was. He remembered that Steve was a screamer but he wasn't holding back now that they were out in the woods with no people for miles.

Three fingers deep and Steve was shaking all over, trying to fuck Bucky's fingers but was too weak with arousal. Finally, Bucky gave in and rolled on the condom, sliding all the way in with no prelude as Steve arched into Bucky and grabbed his hands.

Bucky softly pinned Steve's hands above his head and thrusted slowly, wanting to show his affection. Steve whimpered into Bucky's mouth, doing his best to meet his thrusts with his own hips, and squeezed Bucky's hands.

"Please, Bucky. Harder."

Bucky let the wave of arousal take over him and he let go of Steve's hands to brace his forearms and speed up. Steve weakly gripped his hair, only pulling when Bucky slammed on his prostate and sent bursts of hotness through him. He lost it after that, yelling Bucky's name at the top of his lungs, fingers deeply woven in chestnut brown hair.

Bucky followed suit and kissed Steve through both their orgasms, then pulled out as gently as he could, not wanting to overstimulate Steve. The blond whined either way, half not wanting Bucky to pull out and half because it felt like too much movement. Bucky cleaned them up and pulled Steve on top of him, Steve being too fucked out to move. They fell asleep like that, smiling and wrapped up in each other.

Steve woke first with a jolt and almost ripped out his hearing aid because there was so much noise. He hastily sat up and woke Bucky in the process, who was talking but Steve was panicking as he fumbled with this hearing aid, trying to do anything that would help.

Bucky took a deep breath and calmly took Steve's hands, kissing them, then very softly removed the hearing aid from his ear.

Steve instantly relaxed and closed his eyes, leaning against Bucky when the other man pulled him into his arms. Normally he remembered to take it off when he sleeps but he was too distracted last night, and didn't anticipate nature being so fucking loud.

"Sorry." He whispered, and felt the vibrations of Bucky responding rather than hear it from his good ear since it wasn't all the better than his completely deaf one.

He wanted to go back to sleep but knew they'd probably better get going soon. His phone was most likely dead and there was no signal out here either way.

Then he realized Bucky was speaking and he didn't catch a word of it.

"What?"

"I said let's get some more rest before we head out. I'm still tired and I know you are too."

"M'kay."

Steve was asleep before Bucky even got them comfortably situated.


	8. I'm still fighting for peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve doesn't go looking for fights, people just fucking suck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter sucks and so does everything else idk sorry but I just thought I'd throw something out here for yall  
> next chapter will be fluff but when is it coming out? who knows not me

It had been three days since Steve and Bucky's perfect date. It was surreal. It felt like Steve had known Bucky forever after that, despite meeting him two days prior to the date. Conversation flowed naturally and they had just about everything in common. Bucky was left handed, hated Tuesdays, and loved the color blue. Bucky grew up in Brooklyn as well, but moved to Manhattan when he was in high school. His mother's name was Winifred and his father's was George, and they were retired and lived in Florida. Bucky never said anything about his job other than he worked with numbers and spent some time on Wall Street, and was looking into law firms at the moment.

Steve didn't mention he was at the first Occupy Wall Street.

They spent a lot of time together, whenever Bucky could get free time. Steve usually spent the days painting, trying to finish the bases for the pieces for Matt's office before him and his friends left for Vegas.

As the date got closer, everyone was cramming in schoolwork. Everyone except Steve, of course. He didn't spend much time at the apartment when everyone was home and at least one person had a book open. It made him feel sick.

Today was one of those days. He woke up in a good mood, took a nice shower, got dressed to stay in and have a day of painting. Bucky had texted him the day before and said his day would be full of meetings but he'd try to talk whenever he could. Steve didn't care. Or at least he told himself that.

When he walked out and saw Sam and Nat both doing work, Steve turned on his heel and changed so he could leave. Where? He didn't know. He just needed to go.

After he bundled up, he said a small bye to his friends and began his journey out to the city. He wandered aimlessly for an hour or so before he came across a bakery that smelled like apple pie.

He knew where he needed to go now.

* * *

 

Another hour and two subways later, Steve found himself as the gates of a cemetery. Not just a random cemetery, the exact one his mother was buried in. He hadn't been here in ten years and he felt awful. He was crying before he even found her grave. Upon placing the flowers he bought on her grave, he sat down next to the headstone and ignored the damp grass as his quiet sobs turned hysterical.

* * *

 

It might have been ten minutes or ten hours before he calmed down. He took a few puffs of his inhaler and cleaned his glasses off, then took another ten minutes to gather his thoughts.

"I miss you." A deep breath. "I miss you so much, mom."

He swallowed the lump in his throat, looking up at the sky. It was still daytime but cloudy, obvious that rain was coming.

"I met a boy. Well he's a man, not a boy. He's really nice and he likes Harry Potter. It hasn't even been a week but I like him. He doesn't look at me like I break easy and I like that."

He shook his head, a humorless laugh escaped him and he shifted against the cold stone he leaned on.

"I don't know what to do, ma. I... I wish you were here. Maybe none of this would have happened if you were here. I know you always said not to dwell on the maybes but I can't think about anything else. They took my future from me. If only...."

He hit the ground next to him, angry tears coming down without his consent.

"I tried to make the best of the situation, tried to ignore their quiet discrimination, because they saved me from the system and didn't hurt me physically like everyone else did. At least I'd know they didn't accept me if they did, though, instead of them discreetly ruining my life."

He was silent for a while, focusing on breathing steadily while all the shitty foster homes he was in ran through his mind. All the times he had to live without all the medication he needed, all the times it took him nearly dying before they moved him to a home that was the same. He was grateful the Jones' gave him all the treatments he needed, bought him new clothes and indulged his art.

It was apparent he would never be welcomed though. He made friends and their families treated him like one of their own more than his adoptive parents did, but he was still happy despite it all.

Until now, when their true feelings toward him came from their mouths and forced Steve to remember that he never was a Jones.

He was a Rogers and if his only blood family was a gravestone then so be it.

"I'm going on a roadtrip with my friends soon. Then I'll think about my future when we come back."

* * *

 

Steve left when it started to rain, and he knew it was the worst idea to walk but he did it anyways.

As he got closer to the subway, he noticed some noises from an alley. Despite the ache in his chest and the lightheadedness, Steve made his way over with clenched fists. He could hear muffled cries of help when he was close enough and ran to push the biggest guy Steve had ever seen cowering over a woman.

"Knock it off!" He yelled, pushing the ginormous man again, and that captured his attention enough to let go of the woman. She ran as fast as she could and Steve saw her turn around the corner before he was thrown to the ground and a white hot pain erupted on his head. He got in one weak hit before everything went completely black.

* * *

When Steve woke up, his eyes were assaulted with blinding light. He would have thought he was dead if not for the beeping machine next to him and the muffled voices. He tried to lift his head but groaned loudly when everything started to spin. He thinks maybe Natasha was leaning over him, but he quickly lost consciousness after that.

* * *

 

The next time Steve woke, the lights were much less intense.

He knew he was in the hospital, so there's that. He also knew his mouth felt like sandpaper and he couldn't move his hands.

When he opened his eyes fully, he saw red. Specifically red hair that contrasted the white of the room. A hand was locked with his, which is probably why he couldn't move it. The other one was bandaged. He tugged slightly and Natasha's head shot up. A few seconds later, water appeared from nowhere and was making its way down his throat.

When he drank the entire cup, Natasha pressed the nurse button and more was brought in.

"Steve...what happened?"

He closed his eyes and tried to remember, licked his dry lips and found that his bottom lip was busted.

"Some guy.... He was messing with a girl..."

Natasha groaned. "Really Steve? We told you about fighting."

"Technically it wasn't a fight."

His voice was hoarse and his lungs hurt. Natasha shook her head and laughed but it was agrivated.

"Steve. You have pneumonia. You could have died if someone didn't call the cops because of the noise."

This wasn't new to Steve. He'd gotten pneumonia plenty of times and he's been in so many fights, he lost count. He was just disappointed he probably ruined the trip.

"Hey. I didn't want to go to Vegas anyways. You didn't ruin anything." Of course Natasha could read his mind. It's not like it wasn't easy, he had a bad poker face. Especially when he was doped up. "What were you doing in Brooklyn anyways?"

"I went to visit my mother."

His voice cracked on the last word and Natasha offered him a smile just as Sam came in with two cups of coffee.

"Hey, you're awake."

Steve have him a small smile as he sat down next to Nat.

"Lover boy wouldn't stop calling."

Steve groaned, covering his face with his bandaged hand. He forgot about Bucky.

"He wants to come see you. He called each of us at least fifteen times saying so. I don't know what you did to him, Steve, but he's already head over heels in love with you."

If Steve could, he'd be blushing right now. He didn't want Bucky to see him like this though. It's only been a few days, for fucks sake. He supposed this told him Bucky really liked him, but he hated to show weakness. He was beaten and bruised and he ruined the trip. He didn't want to ruin a potential relationship too.

"I told him where you were and he should be here soon," came from Natasha. Of course she'd do that. Steve glared at her but it was weak. He didn't have the energy to put heat into anything.

"Really. I'm fine. I'll probably be out in two days. He doesn't need to worry about it, and neither do you two."

"It isn't just pneumonia, Steve. You have double pneumonia on top of a concussion and a fractured wrist. We know you can deal with the black eye and bruises but you'll be in here for a while longer than you think."

Soon a knock came on the door, followed by Bucky sticking his head in. Steve immediately covered his face with a pillow and Natasha scoffed before removing it and tucking it back under his head. Bucky looked flushed as he walked closer, concern written all over his face and his hair was in a messy bun, though it looked like it started out nice.

"Steve. Are you okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine." He huffed in response, trying to cross his arms but the wires attached didn't let him. Nat and Sam excused themselves to go to the cafeteria and see about getting Steve some food.

Bucky rolled his eyes and sat down where Natasha was, but he still looked worried.

"I'm sure you are. I just wanted to check. They said you had fluid in your lungs and something about a fight?"

"Some guy was harassing a woman. I couldn't stand by and do nothing. All I did was push him and tell him to stop. It was cold and rainy and my lungs suck in general, so I was bound to get sick. It's really nothing I haven't dealt with before. They have at least three big files on all my medical issues."

Bucky's jaw tightened and Steve looked away, prepared to say more but was stopped by a coughing fit.

When it went away a few minutes later, Bucky's hands were wrapped around Steve's uninjured one and he looked like he was going to cry. Steve would have none of that. He was the one sick, not Bucky. He was the one that was supposed to be in pain, yet Bucky looked like he was dying.

"Gosh, Buck. That wasn't even the worst thing I've been through, you don't need to look like I'm taking my last breath."

Steve knew that he could be very well taking his last breath if he was ten years younger but his body didn't hate him that much anymore. His lungs had improved a lot with time and he wasn't weak and could retain nutrients more. He knew he would pull through, but it was still scary to those around him.

Fuck, all he wanted to do was see his mother.

* * *

 

After eating the disgusting hospital food, everyone talked about their Vegas plan. It'd take a while for Steve to fully recuperate and this was the only time they were all free until Thanksgiving, which was another month away. Bucky stayed quiet, warily eyeing the heart monitor as Sam and Nat lead the discussion. Steve was too weary to talk and he was starting to feel bad again.

Visiting hours came to an end and Steve was left alone. Bucky was the last to go, and basically refused to leave without kissing Steve. Steve just rolled his eyes and indulged him, though it made him feel better too.

The next day he woke up pretty early and felt significantly shitier. They reduced his pain medication to allow the antibiotics to work and that was probably the worst decision made by anyone ever in the history of decision making.

Around noon, Natasha had dropped by with soup from Sam, who was stuck in class. She left soon after but she brought Steve his sketchbook and phone charger, which he was eternally grateful for. He got bored soon enough when he had sketched for two hours and all he managed to come up was Bucky in various states of dress. He'd never admit it, but Bucky had a nice face to draw and Steve was an artist. He simply couldn't resist seeing such a perfect physique and not doing anything.

Fortunately, they gave him an abundance of pillows and he made quick work of a crappy fort. He was putting the finishing touches on his kingdom when Bucky walked in, and Steve was quickly to use a plastic spoon he had as a sword.

"Fight me!"

Bucky stayed in the doorways for a few minutes, then smiled and came to move the pillows so his nurse could check his vitals.

"Maybe later, sweetheart."

* * *

 

Bucky was coming every day when he could, sometimes for hours and sometimes for a few minutes.

Three days before Steve was due to leave, Bucky had gotten the opportunity to spend the whole day with him. When he came in, Steve had made another fort and was going to suggest a fight but was stopped with a coughing fit that didn't allow him to breathe.

Bucky removed the pillows as quick as he could and when Steve was stable, Bucky kissed his slightly damp forehead and smiled.

"I can't fight you. You'd whoop my ass in a heartbeat."

Steve knew it was a lie but he weakly laughed anyways, too exhausted to retort.

 

 

Bucky was there when he woke up, not knowing he fell asleep in the first place. He was holding Steve's hand and looking at his phone, only noticing Steve was awake when he made a noise.

"What was that, Steve?"

"Time?"

"Oh. It's noon. Your nurse said she'd been in to bring lunch soon, and I can't say I'm very envious of you."

Steve wasn't sure what he meant until his lunch came a few minutes later, brought by a nurse he was on first name basis with. She was older, worked with his mother way back when, and knew his whole life story. She tried to get him good food but that was scarce in a hospital.

The only thing he finished was the jello and the juice.

 

 

"I want a cheeseburger."

"Steve..."

"Yeah, yeah. I know. No dairy."

He huffed and Bucky imagined, not for the first time, little Steve Rogers pouting because he's been in the hospital too long and he couldn't eat what he wanted.

* * *

Steve was restless by the last day. He had changed into regular clothes and could walk on his own and hasn't even coughed once in two days. The fluid was gone for the most part and his head was fine. His black eye was fading and his lip was still bruised, but it'd go away soon. He had a brace on his wrist that he'd only need for a couple days. 

He wouldn't be let out until the afternoon, the doctor unable to see him until then, and he was annoyed to say the least. 

He also wasn't sure how he was going to get out. Everyone was either in class or working, and he really didn't want to take a cab for two hours. 

He had a few hours to work something out, thankfully.

* * *

 

Unfortunately for him, the doctor came early. Which meant he could leave earlier. Which was great except he still had no clue how he was going to leave. 

Hesitantly, he pressed the green call button, and the other line connected before he could change his mind. 

"Hey....Bucky." 

"Steve? Is everything alright?" 

"Yeah. Everything's fine. I just...Are you busy?" 

"Not particularly. Why?" 

"Well. They're letting me go earlier than expected. Nat said she'd be able to come pick me up later but she's in class right now and so is Sam. And Clint can't drive." 

"Okay. So you need someone to pick you up?" 

Steve wanted to punch something. He hated asking but he swallowed his dumb pride and nodded, then remembered this was a conversation over the phone. 

"Yeah. I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't necessary. But it's okay if you can't--" 

"I'll be right there."

"Okay." 

He hung up before he said anything else. 

* * *

 

Steve was greeted with a warm smile when he exited the hospital. He was clutching to the strap of his bag for dear life, still fighting himself on the inside. 

"Hey Steve." 

"Hi." 

Steve gave him a small smile and said nothing else as he got into Bucky's car. He was used to seeing him on his motorcycle, liked that more honestly, but the car was nice too. It was a Range Rover, Steve's favorite, and the interior was beautiful.

"Listen, it was no trouble to come get you. I'm very grateful you called, actually. You got me out of a very boring and unpleasant discussion."  Bucky said when he took his place in the drivers seat, taking off as soon as their seat belts were fastened. Steve nodded, then closed his eyes and leaned back in the seat. The doctor said he needed rest and that his energy would be lower than normal, which was extremely low for him, and he was exhausted. 

* * *

 

Steve must have fallen asleep because Bucky was gently nudging him the next minute, and the car was no longer in motion.

"Steve...? Hey Stevie, c'mon. We're at your place." 

Steve thinks he said something in response, but he couldn't be sure as he stumbled out of the car and leaned against it to recollect himself and wake up fully. 

Bucky looked like he was going to offer his help but Steve's chewed into him enough times that he knew better now, and simply rested his hand on the small of Steve's back as they walked (slowly) up the stairs. 

"Do you..." 

Steve looked at Bucky when they got to his door, contemplating what he wanted. Steve would be alone and neither of them wanted that, apparently, because Steve had grabbed Bucky's hand and was leading him inside before he knew it. 

If Steve was still grumpy about earlier, he definitely didn't show it as he cuddled up to Bucky.


	9. We should just kiss like real people do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As much as he wanted to deny it, he sure did have feelings for the dopey man in front of him. How could he say no when Bucky was looking at him with so much hope?
> 
> "Okay. Let's go somewhere."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry that it took nearly two months to update haha i'm trash but it's here now???

Mid-October was something to behold in New York City. The sun was bright, but the air was bitter. Leaves were everywhere and the smell of coffee filled every crack and crevice.

Steve was at the height of artistic inspiration. He hardly had time to do anything else either way, with his commissions piling up as Halloween grew near. These days, he found himself bundled up and sat on the same bench in Central Park. He had one earphone in, listening to music and listening to the city simultaneously.

It's been three weeks since his hospital trip and he was fine now. Aside from the snuffle that came with fall, everything was back to normal. He could focus on his work now, more so than he already was.

Natasha was constantly getting on his case for how unsocial he was lately but she didn't quite understand. Fall was his favorite season and his fingers positively ached to convey the beauty of it.

So what if he didn't return a few—okay all—of his calls. He answered hers and Sam's...was that not enough?

He pointedly didn't think of Bucky.

Naturally that didn't work, because a figure was sitting next to him soon enough and he could recognize that cinnamon scent anywhere.

* * *

 

The last few weeks have been hell for Bucky. Business has definitely been booming, both official and unofficial. He's hardly had time for anything else and he was starting to miss a certain reckless blond.

He's had enough. It was a beautiful day, he wasn't going to waste it stressing over money or the trades on his streets. Steve wasn't answering his phone for whatever reason, and Bucky was too busy to fret over that. Today was different. It went straight to voicemail three times before he decided to just take a walk.

Maybe he'd stop by with a cinnamon roll. He remembered Steve saying how they were his favorites.

Coffee first though.

 

 

 

It was fate that he saw a familiar mop of blond bangs under a black beanie, nose buried in a sketchbook that occasionally moved to glance at the object he was set on. Bucky wasn't sure why he was so surprised at how mesmerisingly beautiful Steve looked.

Upon sitting down, he waited for a few seconds. Taking in his surroundings as he sipped his latte. It was Steve who spoke first, causing a grin to spread across Bucky's lips.

"Hey Buck."

"Hiya Stevie."

He felt a little guilty when Steve finally looked up from his page, obvious that he wanted to be sketching more than talking. But damn did that pout look so kissable.

"By all means, don't mind me. Just here to enjoy the day much like yourself. I'll still be here when you're done."

That made Steve crack a small smile before returning to his nearly done rough portrait of a mother with her baby sitting across the large walkway.

* * *

 

The silence lasted longer than Bucky anticipated, not that he minded one bit. He spent more time watching Steve than enjoying the park if he was honest.

At some point, he rested his arm on the back of the bench and he finished his coffee.

Steve had leaned into him when he was finished, snapping Bucky from his daze when a small weight was pressed against his side. His hands immediately covered Steve's, shooting him a small look of disapproval to which Steve rolled his eyes to.

"I was wearing gloves, just so you know. I only took them off to draw."

"Well you're not drawing anymore. How about we go to a café? I could use a refill and you need to warm up."

Steve huffed but gathered his things anyways, putting his supplies in his bag before making a show of slipping his gloves back on before grabbing Bucky's hand. They walked to a hole in the wall place not far from the park and ordered, then sat by the window.

"Been busy, Stevie?"

"I suppose you could say that. What about you? How's your mysterious job going?"

Bucky chuckled, then ran a hand over his face.

"It's been quite eventful as of late. Haven't had time to breathe until today, as you can see. I was going to come see you actually."

Steve cheeks, already pink from the weather, darkened in the slightest.

"Sorry for not returning your calls, by the way... I'm at the peak of inspiration and it's hard to do much else."

"It's alright, Steve. I know your art is important to you."

Bucky was so wrapped up in this man, he was grateful for any second he could spend with him. His heart was bursting with affection and this encounter just made it all resurface.

"Do you want to go somewhere?"

"Are we not somewhere right now?"

"I mean, do you want to come somewhere with me? Like on a trip."

This sounded a lot better in his head, Bucky thought. All Steve could do was blink at him, heart speeding up just a little. As much as he wanted to deny it, he sure did have feelings for the dopey man in front of him. How could he say no when Bucky was looking at him with so much hope?

"Okay. Let's go somewhere."

* * *

 

An hour later, they were on the road. They were in a car this time, the black Range Rover Steve loved so dearly. It was too cold for the motorcycle.

Steve had their linked hands in his lap, catching Bucky's eye every so often. He had no clue where they were going but he was happy to look out the window and hum along to his music(he almost physically fought Bucky for the AUX cord).

Soon, they came upon a sign that made Steve's heartbeat pick up slightly.

"Now leaving New York...? Bucky, where are we going?" He let out a soft laugh, anticipation rolling through him. Bucky grinned and shrugged, shooting Steve a wink.

Sighing, Steve just sat back and enjoyed the ride.

 

 

"Can we stop at the next gas station? I have to piss."

Bucky laughed and nodded. "'Course, sweetheart. I need gas anyways."

As soon as they pulled in, Steve all but ran around to the bathrooms. He was so thankful there was no key. When he came back from relieving himself, he found Bucky pumping gas and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind.

"I'm gonna go buy some gum. Want anything?"

"I'm alright."

Steve nodded then slowly pulled away, sauntering inside the small station. Bucky was already in the car when he came back, but Steve had a request.

"Hey Bucky...."

"Yeah?"

"Can I....Do you think I can drive for a while? You can take a break."

Bucky looked like he was deeply contemplating but he hopped out of the drivers seat the next minute with a smile.

"Sure, darlin'."

Steve had to move the seat up all the way just to reach the pedals.

* * *

 

"Listen, Stevie. I like ya and all but I swear, if you pop that gum again, I'm gonna pull a Chicago on your ass."

Steve tore his eyes from the road long enough to look directly at Bucky as he popped his gum.

 

Bucky hit his head against the headrest with a loud groan.

* * *

 

Bucky dosed off and that's when Steve realized how domestic this could be. They already argued like they've been married for years, and their hands have been connected the majority of the car ride. Steve sat back against the seat and turned on Halsey, feeling oddly okay with this.

He gripped Bucky's hand a little tighter anyways.

* * *

 

He woke Bucky up when they got to the first toll, then stopped at the first rest stop he saw. He's had too much time to think and that was never a good thing.

He didn't move once he parked but he did turn the music off.

"Stevie are you okay?"

"Fine. Peachy keen. Just don't want to drive anymore is all." His voice was monotone, gaze focused on something in the distance. Bucky didn't believe him for a second.

"Let's get out and stretch. My legs are cramping up."

Bucky's voice was gentle but not babying. He got out and went over to the drivers side, carefully pulling Steve out and walking with him to the bathroom. Steve was quiet and Bucky was concerned to say the least.

Steve, however, was panicking on the inside. He splashed some water on his face as Bucky took a leak in the stall.

"You hungry? I'm sure there's somewhere we can stop for food."

"Yeah. Food sounds great right now."

Stop being stupid, Steve. You're getting worked up over nothing. Just enjoy this time out of the city with Bucky.

Bucky came out to wash his hands and Steve smiled at him before attaching their lips in sweet, soft kisses.

Wow. He felt better already.

* * *

 

They ate at some hole in the wall diner as they established where exactly they were gonna go.

"How about... Maine? There's a lovely resort up there that's beautiful this time'a year."

"Maine? That's like a six hour drive!"

"And? We'll make it there by evening and stay the night."

Steve's breath stuttered as he exhaled, then nodded. It felt like they were running away, which they kind of were, and it was exhilarating.

"Okay. Maine sounds great."

They finished their meal, paid, then left. Before they got anywhere, though, Steve crawled on Bucky's lap and began kissing from his neck to his mouth. He's been deliberating avoiding the temptation to jump Bucky's bones for nearly a month, he felt like a little car make out session was called for.

Bucky planted his hands on Steve's waist and smiled into their kisses, occasionally rolling Steve's hips down against his, teeth softly biting Steve's bottom lip.

It would have escalated if Steve's ass didn't accidentally honk the horn, making both men jump and the few people around look their way.

Steve crawled back to his seat giggling while Bucky readjusted himself in his pants, shaking his head with a smile.

"You are a wild one, ain't ya?"

"You have no idea."

* * *

 

The rest of the drive was relatively uneventful. Steve fell asleep shortly after leaving the diner and stayed asleep until they reached New Hampshire, then they switched places. Steve felt a whole lot better driving this time, especially with Bucky loudly singing along to the showtunes Steve had on his phone.

Who knew such a tough looking guy knew all the words to Good Morning Baltimore?

Bucky took over again when they got to Maine and shortly they were upon something that looked like a castle.

"Whoa..." Steve pushed his face against the window, completely in awe. "Is this the place?"

"Yep." Bucky popped the 'p' as he got out of his car.

Steve bit his lip, looked down at his definitely out of place clothing, then shrugged and followed Bucky.

The hotel was a sight for sore eyes. It was huge, constructed of red brick walls, white stone arches, at least seven different kinds of flower bushes. The air was crisp and it was significantly more colder here than in New York, with the hint of snow in the air.

Steve wanted to spend his whole life capturing the scene on paper.

He wasn't even aware he stopped walking until Bucky was tugging him gently to come inside.

"C'mon, Steve. The inside is just as grand as the outside."

Steve was trying to commit how the dwindling sun looked cascading on the old building to memory as fast as possible, fingers positively aching.

All of that subsided when he saw the inside. He was pretty sure that even the doorknobs were worth more than his entire life. The glass chandeliers were at least seventeen Steve's put together, both in width and height.

"Holy fuck.... What did you say your job was? because I want in on whatever you do that can afford all of this."

Bucky seemed to wince but smiled nonetheless, especially since a strong boned woman came out with an extended hand.

"Ah, James! It's been too long. I have your favorite room all ready for you and your companion." She and Steve exchanged small smiles, Steve half hiding behind Bucky while the seemingly old friends caught up. Then they were being escorted up to the seventh floor and Steve felt dizzy. He doesn't think he's ever been in such an extravagant place before meeting Bucky.

"How much does this all cost?"

"Does it matter?"

"Hell yes it matters. I don't---"

Bucky shut him up by kissing him. The bell boy seemed to not even notice, staring boredly at the floor number buttons.

"For once in your life, Stevie, let someone spoil you like ya deserve. Anything ya want tonight, you can have. Let me do this, yeah? You can go back to not accepting anything from anyone when we get back to New York." He punctuated with another sweet kiss and Steve just nodded, swallowing the argument that tried to claw up his throat.

 

 

"What the fuck. This room is bigger than everywhere I've lived combined."

Bucky laughed and sat down on the plush couch to take off his shoes, Steve ran around the rooms to look. While Steve was busy shouting various things from each new area ("holy shit, when I die, please bury me in this bathroom!" "Three minifridges and then one actual fridge? I'm in heaven. This one even comes with liquor!") Bucky plugged in both their phones, took off his over clothes so he was just in slacks and a muscle shirt, then made his way to the kitchen just as Steve did.

Steve's cheeks were flushed and he had the biggest grin on his face, pulling Bucky towards him to kiss him.

"Buck... This is... This is too much. It's the nicest place I've ever been to and no one has ever done anything like this for me. I just... Wow." Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve's waist, his grin matching Steve's for a completely different reason.

"I'm extremely happy you're enjoying yourself. You deserve it, sweetheart, honestly. Shit, Steve. You deserve ten of these." He stroked his cheeks and gave him one last kiss before turning to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of wine that, surprise, looked extremely fine. "Now go get comfortable."

Steve didn't have to be told twice.

* * *

 

The light was dimming when Steve and Bucky decided to turn on the television. They'd gone through half the bottle of wine as Steve sketched and Bucky read. It was another moment that struck Steve as domestic and he was still okay with it, being tucked against Bucky's side and just enjoying him in comfortable silence.

But Steve's fingers were tired and this place had Netflix built in the TV.

When he saw that Bucky had finished his chapter, Steve took the liberty of placing his bookmark there and closing the book for him, putting in on the table next to his sketch pad.

Bucky just raised his eyebrow as Steve turned on Netflix and refilled their glasses.

* * *

 

They made it through half of season two of Parks and Rec before they started making out. Bucky was on top of Steve, holding himself up with one hand while the other was caressing Steve's thigh. They were both in their underwear now, and it made their groping a whole lot easier. Soon, Bucky lifted Steve up and their lips didn't part until Steve was flush against the fluffy comforter.

"I've missed this." Bucky's voice was a hoarse whisper against Steve's cheek, and all Steve could do was nod in agreement as his neck began to be ravished.

Things went slow, which was something new for them. They've usually gone in slow but ended up shaking the bed. This time it remained slow and loving, which made Steve's stomach twist with mixed emotions. It felt deeper than just a good fuck, deeper than someone he didn't mind hanging out with.

Maybe it was just the wine talking but he felt like this was something he couldn't run away from. And he didn't know if he was ready for that.

Bucky was deep inside him, thrusting hard but made sure it was drawn out, made sure Steve felt it deep within his bones. Towards the end, when all the feelings came out and passed, Steve made it a point to roll them over and finish the job. He rode Bucky to climax, which shook through him intensely, not much different than all the other times Bucky made him cum.

The only thing that was different was the way his body seemed to crave being close to Bucky more this time.

* * *

 

Waking up was a completely different story. Steve felt satisfied. At peace, body and soul. Bucky's head was tucked under his chin, and his light snoring was the only noise filling the room. Steve smiled and did his best not to wake Bucky as he stretched and moved away from the secure heat, pulling on his underwear and roaming out to slip on Bucky's dress shirt, followed by a blanket.

Room service was the only thing on his mind.

* * *

 

Steve finished two plates of eggs and turkey bacon, three bowls of fruit, and the rest of season two before Bucky woke up.

"Good morning, sunshine. Well afternoon. I think. I have no clue what time it is."

Bucky grinned and settled in next to Steve, burying himself in the smaller make. Steve was learning very quickly that Bucky loved to cuddle.

"If you want to make it by night, we should have left a long time ago."

"Maybe I don't want to leave yet."

Truthfully, Steve didn't want to go back at all. He wanted to run away and stay away, but that was a childish wish of his. He couldn't leave his friends like that. At least he didn't think he could.

"Fine. We can stay another night but some of us have jobs to attend to."

"You're the one that wanted to come in the first place. I'm sure you're not that desperate to get back."

Bucky shrugged and stole a grape from the bowl Steve was eating from, which made Steve pout. Bucky kissed it as he stole three more grapes.


	10. A guy like you should wear a warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Halloween parties end with a real scare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shows up 2 days after Halloween with Starbucks*  
> two chapters in one day yaaas  
> now let's see when i'll update next lol

"Steve, hurry up! We're going to be late!"

"I'm coming, Nat!"

Halloween was upon the city and so was Tony's party. Natasha was dressed in a skin tight leather catsuit with whisked painted on her face and cat ears. Sam was fixing his tie in the mirror, dressed in a full suit. ("The name's Wilson. Sam Wilson.") And Clint was dressed as a pizza slice, which surprised no one yet amused them all.

Steve, on the other hand, was rethinking his costume. He was dressed as Leeloo from The Fifth Element. Skin tight gold pants, a white crop top, and neon orange suspenders. He wasn't concerned about the outfit, his pants were that tight normally but.... He dyed his hair orange.

"I look ridiculous," he whispered, leaving his room to join the others.

"Let's get this over with already."

* * *

 

Tony Stark's extravagant Halloween parties were something of legend. Everything was in abundance: spooks, sparks, and shots. He went all out for each of his parties but Halloween was something that Tony himself planned. Steve supposed that having one night to be anyone but yourself really appealed to Tony, who was overflowing with insecurity issues that was covered by arrogance.

Still, Steve was glad he got to go. He wasn't going to drink much tonight but the grandeur of the place was enough to keep him entertained. Later he'd capture the blur of bodies and the essence of excitement on paper. He should be happy that he's spending time with his best friends but something was missing. Or rather, someone.

* * *

 

Bucky sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He was exhausted, so beyond done with listening to the same old excuses about the same old problem.

He knew how much money he got from imports, he knew who handled, and he knew who was stealing it. At first he was willing to help if the man, Roy, was really in need. The man had worked for him since he got the position, and Bucky cared for all his "employees."

What he got instead were lies and more stolen money. Everybody got a second chance and Roy had just wasted his.

"Listen. The first time we spoke, I was willing to help you out. Now I'm just offended that you'd even think you'd get away with this. I like you, Roy, I really do, but my people don't steal from me."

A quick nod of his head signalled his men in the back to take Roy to the back and teach him a lesson. It was gruesome and Bucky hated it but he had a job to do and he did it well regardless.

"How dare he. Lie to us about stealing then steal again? Disrespectful pig." Bucky's sister, Rebecca (or Becs, as everyone called her) spoke as she entered the room. "The Barnes ain't no fools."

But Bucky didn't care. It was Halloween and the last place he wanted to be was in an office, talking to criminals, when he could be with Steve.

* * *

 

"Steve! So glad you could make it!" Steve could tell Tony was drunk already, from the way his hands roamed the second he pulled him into a hug.

"Yeah. Wouldn't miss it for the world." Steve responded flatly, forcibly removing Tony's groping hand, but smiling slightly anyways. Sam maneuvered around the large room to the bar and returned with drinks for all, Steve sipped his slowly, looking around for lack of a better thing to do.

He soon felt a nudge at his side.

_Are you okay?_ , Natasha signed. Trust her to always know.

_Yeah. Just a little cramped. I will be okay._

Natasha wouldn't have that apparently, because soon she was dragging him out to the balcony where it was easier to hear. Steve downed his drink.

"Okay. So what's up? Is it Bucky? Did he hurt you?"

"Natasha what? No! He hasn't done anything. I haven't even talked to him much all day, he's been busy with work. I told you, I'm fine. It was just cramped."

"Steve.... Don't you think you and Bucky are becoming....close? Like extremely close? More than friendly fucks close?"

"No. What? I don't see where you get that from."

Sure he likes spending time with Bucky without being naked. He's pretty cool and they have similar interests. Yeah, okay, maybe Steve's been wanting to spend more time with him recently but... That's just because they're friends. Right?

Natasha sighed in exasperation. "Really Steve?"

Steve crossed his arms, getting a little defensive. Why? He wasn't sure, but he felt like he needed to be.

"I thought the point of coming to a party was to have fun, not be questioned. You could do that at home."

"I just want to tell you to be careful. I know how much you hate to hear those words but sometimes you need them."

She had a look on her face like she knew something Steve didn't and it bugged the shit out of Steve, so he just nodded and went back into the crowded room without a word.

* * *

 

"I can't believe I'm doing this...." Bucky muttered, getting out of his car and handing the keys to the valet. He remembered he was the boss and told everyone to fuck off until tomorrow.

He looked at the picture of Steve in his costume once more before dialling the blond's number, fiddling with his orange shirt as he entered the elevator.

"Hello? Bucky? Hold on!"

The noise was drowning out the words but soon it was muffled and Bucky assumed Steve went into a different room.

"Steve?"

"Yeah? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. You're at Tony's party right?"

"Yes. Well I'm outside the party. Why?"

"Because I'm in the elevator."

* * *

 

Steve rushed to the other side of the building as fast as he could to meet Bucky when the elevator door dinged open.

He was already smiling but he was absolutely grinning when he saw what Bucky was wearing and laughed, grabbed the little card clipped to his waist.

"Multi-pass." They both giggled. "I can't believe you came, and as Korban Dallas too!" They exchanged a hug and kiss before chattering away and going back into the party.

* * *

 

"Are ya sure this is where he's was headin'?"

Two men were parked across the street from the extravagant Stark Tower in a dingy black car. One was a burly monster of a man while the other was short and round.

"Why would The Soldier go ta a Tony Stark party?"

"Maybe he's is invited."

"Or he's a goddamn traitor. Ralph, you take tha first watch. Wake me up when it's one am."

"But Vinny---"

"Shh!"

Vinny, the shorter of the two, rested his cap over his face and reclined the seat all the way.

* * *

 

Steve's mood has greatly improved now that Bucky was here. He should probably think about why but right now he was too focused on Bucky's hot breath on his neck and his hand gripping his ass firmly through his pants. They'd drank and danced for a while, but that quickly escalated. They were on the balcony now, the cold brick biting into the strip of Steve's too hot back that was showing in his crop top. He was barely touching the floor with the tiptoe of his right foot, his left leg held in place at Bucky's waist with one of Bucky's hands. They were the only ones out there at the moment but anyone could open those doors and fuck if that didn't excite Steve more. Public indecency wasn't on his record but the night was still early.

Bucky's hips crashed deliciously against Steve's at the same time his teeth bit down into the crook of Steve's neck, making Steve moan out and curl his fist tighter in Bucky's hair.

"Well okay. Wasn't expecting that noise from my seemingly empty balcony."

Steve's breath caught in his throat as he registered Tony's voice, and he felt Bucky tense in his arms.

It was awkwardly silent for what seemed like an hour before Bucky slowly put Steve fully on the ground and Tony cleared his throat.

"We're gonna--"

"Yeah okay."

"Sorry--"

"I doubt that."

They all exchanged looks then Bucky and Steve left, Steve barely stifling giggles. Once they were in the elevator on the way down, they were both laughing. It wasn't until they got in Bucky's car did they stop.

"God. Would it be weird if I said I'm actually more horny now than I was before?"

Bucky chuckled, reversing the car to get out of the parking space, then driving out of the tower garage.

"I'm oddly not surprised being caught turns you on. I am surprised that I... I kind of feel the same."

Steve's cheeks got impossibly redder, his devious smirk growing as he climbed into the backseat, moving things around so he could get comfortable.

"Good. Now park somewhere and come fuck me."

Bucky didn't have to be told twice.

* * *

 

"Vin... Vinny! VINNY!"

The small man grumbled angrily, rubbing his face as he sat up.

"What? What is it?"

"I think... I think he just left."

"Well go after him ya idiot!"

* * *

 

"Bucky please!" Steve practically screamed, nails scraping along the leather seats and Bucky's back simultaneously. The pace was torturous and Steve was restless with arousal.

"Please what, baby?"

"Don't.... Don't act all...coy.  **Ohfucksweetjesusfuck**! Faster _please_!"

"As you wish."

The car was shaking in earnest now.

* * *

 

"Um.... Vin? Should we be... Should we be seein' this?"

"Shudap, Ralph. The Soldier is allowed to 'ave some fun. It might be tha last fun he has after what the Boss is gonna do ta' 'im."

The two shared a laugh then settled back in, waiting for their time.

 

* * *

 

"Stevie?"

"Hm?"

"You awake, sweetheart?"

"'Course I'ma...wake. 'm just a lil drunk still."

Bucky stole a glance at the blond who was clearly half asleep, clothes haphazardly put back on. He knew that was a lie because Steve was barely even tipsy when they left. 

They drove in silence for a while, Steve softly snoring, but Bucky was turning more than necessary.

He saw the black car following them as soon as he left the Tower and he wasn't stupid. He was fucking pissed, even more now that Steve was here. He'd done everything he could to make sure Steve didn't know this part of his life and now that could be crashing down.

If he lost Steve because of these assholes, he would...well... Let's not get into the damage he'd do.

* * *

 

"Steve. Wake up. Let's go inside, yeah?"

Steve stretched out and took his time getting out, much to Bucky's dismay. It was obvious he was on edge and if only Steve was aware enough to know something was wrong.

Bucky closed the door and started ushering him inside the tall building Bucky lived in, and Steve didn't like it one bit. He squirmed away and stopped walking, crossing his arms and pouting.

"Why are you shoving me?! I can walk just fine by myself, thank you."

"Okay. You're right, Steve. I'm sorry. Let's go inside now."

"No. Not until you tell me why you're pushing me."

Bucky groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. Steve hiccuped and started to drift a little but shook out of it.

"I'm....I don't have a good reason. I just like to see you in my bed. It's also cold out and you mean a lot to me Stevie, I don't want you to get sick."

Steve blushed a little and giggled. "Okay, let's go. You're lucky I like ya."

Steve barely got to take a step forward before someone wrapped their arms around him. He only got a kick in before a sharp blow was delivered to his head.

The last thing he heard was Bucky yell out "No!" and he could only think...

Well fuck. Not again.


	11. How do you afford this ring that I love, honey?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> { _blood money, blood money_ }
> 
> All he wanted was a simple life. He wanted his art, his friends, his casual fun. He didn't want to be involved with a criminal.
> 
> Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the long wait but whew here comes the aftermath

The first thing Steve registered was the overwhelming pound in his head. Next was the ache throughout his body. He must've had a crazy night then. Wait. No he didn't. He wasn't even buzzed by the time Bucky arrived, and barely on the verge of pleasantly drunk when they left. Then they had sex in the back of Bucky's car, and went to Bucky's apartment. Or they were going to until.....

Steve's eyes snapped open. He wasn't laying on Bucky's bed, but on the concrete floor in a dim room. Bucky was sitting in front of him, back facing him, hands tied together. One tug of his own arms and he found he was in the same state.

Suddenly a pair of nice shoes were in front of him, and he discovered his hearing aid was broken since he could hardly hear whatever was being spoken.

"....finally awake. I was wondering if you'd be unconscious for the whole meeting."

The shoe was under Steve's chin, forcing him to look at the man speaking. He was tall, relatively lean, and dressed in a suit. His dark hair was neatly combed and he had glasses. He looked smart and ruthless, and it made Steve's stomach churn in the worst way possible.

His face was lowered and distantly he heard shuffling from the direction where Bucky was, making the man take the seat across from him.

Steve waited until he heard voices to start moving his hands, taking in the room at the same time. It was only them three at the moment, but he had no doubt there were more people around. A voice, presumably Bucky's, was becoming raised and said man started struggling in his chair. Steve just got his hands free from the stupid zip tie when the door was knocked down, and a man dressed in black with a black mask on his face came in.

When the masked man and the guy in the suit got preoccupied with each other, Steve took the opportunity to push himself up. The room spun but it didn't stop him from staggering to Bucky, fiercely trying to free him.

"Steve! Stop, I got it." Bucky ripped his hands free, then his feet, and took a gun off the metal table he was seated at. As if Steve couldn't hear as is, he definitely couldn't now with the roar of blood rushing in his ears. Adrenaline kicked in now that he saw the gun, and his confusion just deepened with each second.

The fighting between the masked man and the suit guy ceased, he was currently running to the door. "This isn't over, Barnes! You're friends aren't who you think they are." He was gone after that.

Masked man walking towards them, blood dripping slowly from his nose and from under the mask. Steve noticed that it was completely covering his eyes.

"You have roughly two minutes to get out of here. I suggest you go now." Masked man said. Steve swore he recognised that voice but didn't have time to think before he was being pulled along behind Bucky, who walked with the gun ready to fire. Like he's been in this situation before. Steve's feet were having trouble keeping up and he was wondering if he'd need his inhaler.

Holy shit what did he get himself into.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"What the fuck."

"Steve..."

"Bucky what the hell is going on?"

They were no longer rushing away, but casually walking among the city crowd. Well as casually as they could considering they were still in their Halloween costumes. A few more turns and Bucky led them to what looked like a bar, mainly empty since it was about 8am. They sat in a table in the far corner, with a view of the whole place.

"Steve.... Fuck. I'm sorry. It's extremely difficult to explain and to tell you would be danger—"

"Screw that! Bucky! What the fuck is going on? Why did that guy kidnap us?"

Bucky rubbed a hand over his face, his knuckles we're bloodied and bruised, and Steve suddenly realized that Bucky was so used to this, he looks more exhausted than worried or scared.

"Bucky.... Who are you?"

* * *

 

".....I had to take over once my parents were gone, and I've been in the business ever since. That was ten years ago. Lately things have been getting increasingly chaotic and I believe the people who came after me are why. That's why I've been busy lately, why I couldn't spend time with you. Something's coming and my colleagues and I are trying to stop it before it disrupts our business, or hurts the people of New York."

"......... So basically you're telling me you're in the mob."

"Technically speaking, yes. I'm one of those who run it. Part of it, anyways."

"You're a criminal."

"Well.... I suppose but—"

"Okay. I need to get home. Right now."

"I'll—"

"No. You're staying away from me. I have to think. I can't..."

Steve exhaled deeply then got up and left. After hailing a cab and arriving home, he was thankful that his friends were still sleeping. He didn't think he'd be able to talk to anyone right now without screaming.

He was trying to ignore the thrill of the chase he felt. The rush of adrenaline that ignited every end in his body.

 

* * *

 

 

"Steve? Breakfast is ready. Are you—"

Natasha stopped in her tracks when she took in Steve's appearance. He was still in his costume, and looked wrecked. She anticipated this when she saw him and Bucky leave last night, but this is a whole new wrecked. This was bad.

"Steve what's wrong? Was it Bucky? Did he hurt you?"

She sat down at the edge of his bed, taking his shoes off for him. He must have just collapsed when he got home.

"S'fine, Nat. I'm fine."

His face was buried back into the pillows, and Natasha wasn't having it.

"Steven Grant Rogers, you look at me right now and talk to me."

There was obvious concern in her tone, and it made Steve tear up. Finally he was upright, and took a while to collect his thoughts, then took even longer to formulate the right words.

"I was almost in a relationship with a mob boss."

 

* * *

 

 

The next week was a blur for Steve. He went through the motions, smiling when necessary, laughing when necessary, spending a decent amount of time with his friends. He made Natasha swear to keep what happened with Bucky a secret, and sometimes he could pretend like nothing happened.

He blocked Bucky's number just in case, lost himself in his art, and ignored the empty feeling he got when he laid alone.

All he wanted was a simple life. He wanted his art, his friends, his casual fun. He didn't want to be involved with a criminal.

Right? Fuck he needed a distraction and, although he felt a little guilty, he knew the perfect guy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Work had been hell for Bucky. After the kidnapping escapade, he had a new outlook on his life. Losing Steve because of his reckless business attitude was the last straw. He didn't know who he could trust anymore and he needed to do something about it, and what's a more perfect opportunity than at the next meeting. He assumed he wasn't supposed to be alive, considering how surprised everyone seemed to be.

"James! How're things?"

"Well I'm not dead yet."

He looked directly in Alfonso's eyes, smiling dryly, then clapped him on the back and gave everyone else a look.

"Let's get down to business, shall we? I've learned a lot recently and I'd _**love**_ to hear what you guys think."

 

 

 

 

When Bucky left the building, he was more than convinced it was a joint effort to attack him. He pulled out of all trade, closed all his ports, and refused to make deals. His clients would remain his clients until further notice. If they betrayed him, then they'd be gone as well.

He didn't have to use the gun tucked in his pants until he got to the parking garage, when he was shot at as soon as the elevator doors opened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> steve's a bit of an adrenaline junkie and also i have no clue how the mob works tbh i'm kinda just using daredevil as my reference
> 
> can you guess who the man that kidnapped steve and bucky was? what about the masked man? hmm?


	12. I tried to wash you away but you just won't leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was normal, nothing extraordinary, no mob involved whatsoever. It was what Steve wanted.
> 
>  
> 
> Except it wasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my browser crashed and i lost 35 tabs while trying to post this chapter so i hope you guys appreciate what I go through for you

"Matt?"

"Come in!"

Steve opened the brunett's door and navigated his way to the kitchen, put the bag of food he had on the counter, and took everything out.

"How are you?"

"I'm great. I just finished a large painting I was working on and I'm starving."

They migrated to his couch like normal, only Matt sat down with a bit of precaution, a soft groan escaping his lips.

"You should really be more careful when you go to the gym. You're always in pain when I come over."

Steve started to gently rub Matt's back with one hand, eating with the other. This had become a bit of a routine for them. Whenever Matt was able to get a few hours to himself, he and Steve hung out. It had been that way for nearly a month now. A few times it escalated to more than just simply hanging out... And Steve always felt like he was floating.

"Steve, your hands are magic."

"You should see the other things they can do."

"I'm looking forward to it."

 

 

Neither of them expected a relationship exactly, Matt choosing to focus on his work and Steve just in it for a distraction. Which he still felt awful about, but at least there weren't expectations. They were upfront about their intentions (well...Steve may have tweaked his a little...) and it was a mutual desire for companionship. It was normal, nothing extraordinary, no mob involved whatsoever. It was what Steve wanted.

Except it wasn't.

 

* * *

 

 

"Matt... Oh fuck!"

They had about forty-five minutes until Matt need to be at work. Steve was currently splayed out on Matt's bed, with said man between his thighs. Steve had a little too much to drink last night and he ended up staying over, not knowing that he would get a wake up call this amazing.

Matt was currently swallowing him down and had three fingers deep within him. He was certainly enjoying the fact that Steve was almost completely wrecked.

"Just... **Mattpleasefuckmealready!** "

The brunett came up with a wet pop and smiled smugly. Steve had the urge to punch it off his face but that was quickly forgotten as Matt pushed himself in to the hilt in one go, striking Steve's prostate perfectly and making him cry out in absolute pleasure.

The pace was slow but intense and Steve was on the verge of a religious awakening. A steady stream of moans were flowing from his lips, muffled only when Matt leaned down to kiss him. The thrusts sped up suddenly and Steve was gone. Matt swallowed his shout of ecstasy, and reached his own orgasm shortly after Steve.

They stayed in place while they came down from their climaxes, then Matt went and got a washcloth to clean them up.

"Well good morning to you too," Steve muttered as he pushed himself up on his elbows and watched Matt clean their stomachs. He began to get dressed and Steve stayed where he was for a bit, soaking in the endorphins, then got up slowly to tie Matt's tie.

They started to kiss again when knocking intrurrupted them, and Matt furrowed his brow.

"Foggy wasn't supposed to be here for another fifteen minutes..."

Steve began to look for his clothes as Matt went to open the door.

"Morning!"

"Um. Good morning. I'l be just a few more minutes, I suppose."

Foggy plopped down on the couch and waited patiently while Matt continued dressing, seemingly oblivious to the fact a pair of jeans were haphazardly on the floor next to him and he was sitting on a shirt. It wasn't until Steve emerged from Matt's bedroom wrapped in a sheet, walking a little weird, did he take in the state of the apartment.

"Oh..."

"Hi...Foggy...." Steve awkwardly made his way over to pick up his jeans and tugged his shirt from underneath the blond, since he wouldn't move. He quickly made his way back to change and soon returned in his slightly wrinkled outfit. He slipped on his boots and jacket.

Foggy was just staring open mouthed as the two men, Matt and Steve, moved around each other with ease. When Matt walked Steve to the door, he heard the telltale noises of kissing. Then he was gone.

"Ready?"

"That was Steve."

"Yes. It was."

"And he was naked. In your bedroom."

"You should be a detective, Foggy. You're very observant."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Steve's morning was already off to a great start. He came home to breakfast made courtesy of Sam, finished a few more commissions, got an offer from a local art gallery. He was chipper and completely unsuspecting that when a knock at the door sounded throughout the empty apartment, it would lead to everything being turned upside down.

 

 

 

"Bucky. What.... What are you doing here? Are you okay? Bucky?"

"I had to see you, Steve. I know you said you didn't want me near you but I couldn't... I.... I really miss you. And... I'm pretty sure I'm bleeding."

Steve would be lying if he said he didn't miss Bucky either, but this was certainly not what he imagined seeing him again would be like.

"I can confirm you are. Come on."

Steve rushed to put a towel over the couch, then got the first aid kit from the bathroom. He carefully began to cut away Bucky's shirt, wincing when he noticed more than one wound on his chest. Thankfully it wasn't anything some stitches couldn't fix.

"Where'd you learn to do this?"

"I took a basic aid class during the summer of my freshman year. I um.... I had a lot of wounds back then and... It was up to me to attend to them."

Bucky was staring at him, every so often grimacing, but other than that, he was pretty calm.

"What happened?"

"That's actually why I came to see you. Everyone I know is trying to kill me."

Steve finished cleaning the wounds on Bucky's chest before giving him a soft smile and beginning to tend to his face.

"Not everyone. I think your nose is broken... I just need to..."

He let Bucky squeeze his waist as he popped his nose back into place, then proceeded to clean and bandage the small cuts on his forehead and cheek.

"Please tell me that's a gun rubbing against my leg and not your dick."

"Yeah. It was digging into my waist, sorry." Bucky chuckled, setting the gun aside.

"There. You're all patched up. I think I have some clothes for you."

Steve moved to go to his bedroom but Bucky's hand caught his wrist before he could get far.

"Thank you, Steve. I... I don't have anyone else but you."

Steve nodded and smiled, then hurried off to the bedroom.

He would be lying if he said that didn't make his heartbeat speed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm mattsteve trash so come talk about it with me on my [tumblr](http://queersteverogers.tumblr.com/)


	13. look like a million dollar man (so why is my heart broke?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe if he went to sleep then he'd wake up from this shitty dream, with Bucky snoring away next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo broke 100 kudos!! that really means a lot guys :')

Bucky stayed for the night and Steve didn't get a wink of sleep. Instead, he stayed up staring at the man laying next to him. The dangerous criminal that doubled as a huge goofball. A man who grew his hair out for the sole purpose of looking like Aragorn and runs a cartel.

He glanced at his night stand often, as if the concealed weapon inside would come alive. He wondered how many people Bucky has shot with that gun, how he could sleep at night despite that.

_But he was doing it for survival...._

Steve soon got fed up with thinking when the sun came up, resolving to take a shower and eat something. When he came back to his room, Bucky was still sleeping. He looked so peaceful, even with the bandages all over his body and face. Steve quickly got dressed in multiple layers (it was progressively getting colder outside and in), then went to make a simple bowl of cereal, being as quiet as possible since it was barely 6am.

Returning to his room the second time, his resolve crumbled and he snuggled up to Bucky with a soft sigh. He was careful to mind Bucky's wounds, but he couldn't resist tracing the outline of his tattoos. He was almost done with the side he was doing when Bucky began to stir, making him snap back to reality.

"Mornin'. Havin'fun?"

Steve doesn't think there's a more beautiful sound than Bucky's sleep heavy voice.

"I was before you interrupted." His words were teasing but his face was soft, and he kissed the part of Bucky's chest that was in front of his face.

Bucky hummed a laugh, eyes still closed and a smile on his lips.

God he looked gorgeous.

Steve wasn't sure why all the feelings he had for Bucky were crashing to him suddenly. He was in denial that he liked him more than he was letting on, refusing to let himself fall for this insane storm of a man. He supposed that Bucky nearly dying made him realize that he's a fucking idiot and he doesn't just like this man, he loves him.

"By all means, don' let my consciousness stop ya."

Steve smiled but shook his head, choosing to go in for a kiss instead. It was soft and intimate, something new between them but familiar nonetheless.

"If gettin' shot at makes ya like this, I outta do it more."

Steve smiled against Bucky's lips, pecking them one last time before settling in his previous position again. Bucky wound his arms tightly around Steve as best he could without being in pain.

"And to think, I was almost glad they didn't hit a major artery."

 

* * *

 

 

  
"Leaving? What do you mean you're leaving?"

"I have to go, Steve. It's not safe for me to stay here. You and your roommates are in danger the longer I stay."

"Where are you going to go?"

"I have to leave the city."

Steve's jaw hurt from how much he was clenching, unshed tears shining in his eyes but he refused to let them fall.

"It's just temporary, until I can straighten some things out and everything calms down. I swear I will contact you as soon as I can."

 

 

  
That was three weeks ago.  
Now Christmas was around the corner and Bucky was MIA.

 

* * *

 

  
Sam went to his family's house in DC for Christmas, while Natasha and Clint stayed back with Steve. Natasha's father skyped them before he set off for Russia, where the rest of Natasha's family was. Clint still wasn't on good terms with his family.

Steve got a text from his adoptive mother but that was it. He had all he needed right here in New York, a family that was currently sitting on the floor, drunkly singing Christmas carols and eating pizza. The only thing missing was.....

 

* * *

 

 

  
Christmas came and went, Steve spending most of the 26th hungover from Tony's party on Christmas. It's been a while since he's drank so much but if Steve knows how to do anything, it's how to drown his feelings in alcohol.

 

 

Sam came back for New Years and they were all currently on the balcony of their apartment, waiting for the ball to drop while discussing their resolutions and events that happened during the past year.

  
"I got the drunkest I've ever been," came from Sam.

"I painted someone's dog in clothing from various eras for 3,000 dollars," said Steve.

Natasha, who already had a few drinks in her, turned to Clint with a smile that she rarely ever showed. Clint's face mimicked hers. It was obvious that something sappy was about to unfold.

"We moved in together."

"Yeah and had some loud sex that was disgusting." Sam pretended like he was going to throw up and Steve scrunched up his nose.

"Glad I missed that."

"Oh you shut up! You don't think we heard you moaning and groaning when Bucky came over. You're really bossy in bed, you know that? Like more bossy than you normally are."

Steve's cheeks flushed red but he still shrugged, bringing his glass up to his lips.

 

  
"Have you heard from him?" Natasha asked once Sam and Clint got up to refill the drinks.

"No. Not since he left. I just hope he's okay."

They sat in silence for a little while, bundling themselves up more in their blankets. There was a pit in the center of the balcony, filled with burning logs. The fire was still going strong and was definitely warming them up.

Steve still felt cold.

 

* * *

 

 

  
"5.....4.....3.....2.....1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"

Sam popped the champagne open and they all toasted, laughing and yelling over the roar of people down below. Natasha and Clint shared a kiss, while Sam and Steve hugged. They spent a few more minutes outside, listening to the music blasting from the streets.

  
When they all settled down and went back inside, they sat down to watch the West Coast performances. Steve just so happened to be the only one up when a knock on the door came.

"Maybe it's Ms. Oaks coming to give you a New Years smooch."

Steve rolled his eyes. Ms. Oaks was the elderly lady across the way and Steve always helped her with her groceries.

When Steve opened the door, it definitely wasn't Ms. Oaks. In fact, he doesn't remember seeing this woman before in his life.

  
"Steve Rogers?"

"Uh....yes?"

"I'm sorry to intrude like this on your celebration but I was given instructions to give this to you in case James didn't come back."

She held out a large envelop with his name written in Bucky's handwriting, jaw tense but sadness in her eyes. He took a few more seconds to realize how similar she and Bucky looked, taking the extended package hesitantly.

"Happy New Year."

  
It wasn't until she was long gone did he remember that Bucky's real name was James.

  
Steve spent the rest of the night in his room.

 

* * *

 

 

  
The envelope contained a small key on a necklace and a note.

_  
Stevie,_

_If you're reading this, it means it's New Years and the end of the line came sooner than expected. You should probably assume the worst. Not a good way to start out the year but necessary, I'm afraid. I would like you to have this as an apology._  
It's the key to my heart.  
Sorry it's not one ring to rule them all, nor is it the deathly hallows. Perhaps I should have sent the Enrerprise.

__  
Yours,  
Bucky

_P. S.  
Can you feed my fish?_

 

Steve didn't understand any of it. Surely Bucky wasn't dead. He couldn't be. And what fish? Steve has been over to his apartment enough to know that there were no fish whatsoever. And what was so important about this key?

Maybe if he went to sleep then he'd wake up from this shitty dream, with Bucky snoring away next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a lot of time skips but I'm just trying to keep it in time with real life so sorry


	14. anything hurts less than the quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One ring to rule them all.....Deathly Hallows....Enterprise....  
> Sometimes being a nerd really comes in handy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only 6 more chapters!!

It wasn't a dream. The envelop was still there on his night stand. He was still alone. Bucky was still dead.

Alright. Time to really take a look at this stupid thing.

The key was too small for a door, so perhaps it went to a lock. Maybe a storage unit or locker. It was gold and unmarked. Probably made specific.

The key to Bucky's heart? Would could that mean? Something that was important to him? The word safe was underlined. Maybe it was a safe. A secret safe.

The part about the fish still didn't make sense but maybe.... Maybe Bucky wanted Steve to go to his place.

 

* * *

 

 

  
"Um... Steve? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure."

Steve was in the middle of getting dressed, eager to get to Bucky's as soon as possible. He hoped whatever Natasha had to say would be quick, because he was getting anxious.

"On the news... They found a body in the river. It... It looks like it's Bucky."

Steve stopped moving. He stopped breathing. Bucky said to assume the worst but now that the worst was presented to him, he couldn't accept it.

He slowly took a deep breath then faced Natasha. Her face was sad. Genuinely sad. Steve wouldn't have this.

  
He grabbed his coat and left without a word.

 

* * *

 

 

  
When he reached Bucky's building, Steve was on the verge of an asthma attack. He took a quick puff of his inhaler and made his way shakily inside, pausing slightly to look around in case anyone followed him. He never thought he'd have to do that before.

He arrived at Bucky's floor and stepped into the eerie stillness of the condo. Looking around, it fully hit him that Bucky was gone. Tears fell from his eyes without his permission, but he didn't make a noise. In fact, he walked around to look at everything until he made it to the bedroom. That's where he finally collapsed on the bed and sobbed hysterically, clinging to the sheets that smelled of the man he just began to accept that he loved.

 

 

* * *

 

  
The sun was threatening to set by the time Steve moved. If he closed his eyes and bundled under the blankets, he could pretend that Bucky was holding him. Filling his nose with his intoxicating smell, kissing the back of his neck when he just wakes up.

Steve shook his head and threw the blankets off of him. No. He needed to focus. He came here on a mission, and he was determined to complete it.

"Fish. Okay. Just gotta look for his fish."

Steve browsed around the bedroom, looking in the drawers of the nightstand, searching the master bathroom. Nothing.

When he got to the closet, however, he noticed what he came here for. A painting at the very end of the walk-in closet, one that contained two watercolour goldfish chasing each other. It hung at level with Steve's head and was seemingly inconspicuous, even with the bizarre location. He began to feel the sides before slowly removing it and revealing some sort of safe built into the wall. It required a code and a key to open, and Steve only had the key. Confused, he read the letter a few more times.

One ring to rule them all.....Deathly Hallows....Enterprise....

"Okay. One ring. Three hallows. And... NCC One-Seven-Zero-One!"

Steve quickly typed that in and inserted the key. The safe popped open and if Steve had water, he'd do a spit take.

It wasn't a very big safe but it was filled with a few stacks of money, a gun, a few papers and a small bag that Steve assumed contained more expensive trinkets. He slowly removed the papers and raised his eyes. It was Bucky's will. He quickly put it back and closed the safe door, replacing the painting just as he found it.

Bucky gave Steve the key to his heart. He gave him the key to his most important items. That's how much Bucky trusted him.

  
"Holy fucking shit."

 

 

* * *

 

  
Steve left soon after making his discovery. He also confiscated one of Bucky's hoodies. He kept telling himself that it was just cold outside and it's not like they're going to be used anyways.

  
When he got back to his apartment, all his friends were casually lounging in the kitchen and it smelled delicious. Natasha shot him a look but he ignored it, opting to stick his finger in the sauce Sam was stirring. His finger was swatted at.

"Where have you been? And why do you always show up just in time for dinner?"

"Because my sixth sense is knowing when there's good food being made."

Sam rolled his eyes and went back to cooking. Steve grabbed a bottle of water and made his way to his room. There he changed into Bucky's hoodie and sweatpants, making sure the key was tucked out of sight around his neck.

He was still hurting more than he let on but now that he got an understanding of where he stood in Bucky's life, he felt a little better albeit angry that he had to find out post-mortem.

He took out the letter and read it a few more times, soaking in Bucky's last words to him. Then he proceeded to throw it in the pit outside and burn it. In case he was really in danger, it wouldn't be wise to have Bucky's code laying around like nothing.

They all ate outside and Steve was starting to feel normal again. It was nice to lose himself in the company of his friends. When they finished, Steve helped with the dishes. Sam washed, he dried, Clint put them away, and Natasha watched from the island counter.

Later, Steve would feel the loss once again when he was alone, but for now he enjoyed the company of his friends. Especially since he was about to crush them in Mario Kart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if I had a safe, that would totally be my code and I'm not even ashamed.


	15. the world won't stop and all i got is your ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> { _I would do anything to have you by my side_ }
> 
>  
> 
> He buried himself in his blanket and fell asleep crying, clutching the key around his neck tight enough to leave marks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoo! posting a chapter within two weeks from the last one! yay for motivation and inspiration finally working together!  
> sry in advance for the :( that's coming up for the next couple chapters but i promise a happy ending!!!  
> (dark paradise by lana del rey is a good song to read this chapter & cry to btw)

Steve stood in front of the mirror, feeling sick with anticipation and something else. Something he couldn't put his finger on. He'd been waiting for this moment for months, dreamed about it since he was little. It just felt wrong. His skin burned with bad vibes. He splashed some water on his face as a knock came at the door.

"Steve? It's time to go. Are you okay?"

He shook his head even though the person on the other side of the door, who he assumed was Natasha, couldn't see him. He took one last look at his tired face and dabbed some concealer on, putting his best fake smile on display and opened the door.

"I'm great. Just a little nervous. What if they don't like my hair?" Steve made a rash decision to dye his hair blue and get an undercut so, to avoid speaking his actual feelings, he chose to fuss about that.

"You look fine. Very artistic. Now come on, we still have to finish setting up."

 

* * *

 

  
"Steven Rogers! It's great to see you once more! Are you ready for to tonight?"

"As ready as I'll ever be. It's been my dream to be showcased here and I'm still pinching myself just in case."

  
"Well tonight your dream has come true! This event is guaranteed to be big, I'm told. You're working up quite a buzz on our social media pages."

Steve blushed and looked away, unable to hide how flustered that made him. He'd never imagine that people would really enjoy his artwork, let alone be the focus of an anticipated event. Thor Odinson, a well-known artist among the community, personally contacted him about his work and it still felt like a dream.

"I'm going to make sure everything is in order for tonight. I'll leave you to setting the rest up."

Steve nodded and waited until Thor disappeared in a back room before bringing his last minute additions in. His gallery told a story and these were crucial to completing it.

Sam, Nat, and Clint helped to set them up. One look around the room made him proud but melancholy. Recent events gave him a ridiculous amount of inspiration and the art gallery call couldn't have come at a better time. He just hoped other people understood the point he was trying to make.

 

* * *

 

  
It started out with sharp blues and fiery reds, a white figure emerging strong from hands trying to hold it back, a demonstration of his emotions when he left home. It lead to dark grays and deep blues, a blurry image of people and places under a gloomy sky, the white figure with a dark tint standing out in the crowd. That was meant to signify how out of place Steve felt, going through life in a reckless haze because he was lost and had no clue what to do with himself.

The edge of the painting was laced with warm yellows to lead into the next work, the one that was supposed to be him meeting Bucky. The white-verging-on-black figure from the previous paintings was surrounded by a bigger, much more bright figure that was made up of gentle blue and the same warm yellow. It had its arms around the smaller figure, holding it, making it feel loved, slowly changing the gray to yellow and blue. The smaller figure had more form than before, and the larger figure had icy blue eyes where Steve tried to capture Bucky's beautiful eyes and hope he did them justice. They were beautiful but you could see the danger behind them.

The next painting was the two figures, with more form but still abstract, facing each other and holding hands, mixing colors. The smaller figure's blue mixed with the bigger one's red, causing purple to form in between them and mingle with the rest of their bodies. Bright purple was the basis of the background, with hints of pink and yellow, red and blue, orange and green. It was vibrant and significant, but a look of worry was hinted on the smaller figure's face. The piercing ice eyes of the bigger figure still showing the same emotion from before, despite the look love adoration.

Steve still had trouble effectively explaining the meaning of it, hoping it spoke for itself.

 

 

 

  
The rest of the pieces were as follows: A work of selective scenes from his and Bucky's few dates (the kiss on the top of the Wonder Wheel being the main scene in that piece), Steve running away from his feelings and drowning them in alcohol and other people, the day when he found out who Bucky really was (that one took the longest to complete), and so on until he found out Bucky was dead.

The last one of the main story was the white figure, which had progressively changed colors through each work, becoming a dull gray again but was defined now. It resembled Steve, standing with his profile to the viewer, a heart shaped key wrapped around his neck floating in front of him. His hands were reaching out, his entire body caught in the midst of trying to grasp whatever was in front of him, but there were ropes restraining him from going further. The background was gloomy, and the object of his pursuit was out of view. The detail of Steve's body was striking, something said man was proud of. It was the only painting he strained over, even having Nat take pictures of himself in motion.

He had other pieces filling up the space the story didn't, landscapes and a few people. His friends posed for a few of them. Everything else was of Bucky, though you couldn't tell unless you were Steve.

  
Steve freshened himself up right before the event began, which already had a line waiting to get in. He was dressed in a deep red short-sleeved button up, slim black pants hugging his legs, and suspenders. His blue hair was pushed back but was slightly messed up due to him running his fingers through it nervously.

The doors opened and the amount of people who wanted to meet Steve was insane. He had job offers and commissions, was given gifts and took selfies. He knew his blog had a lot a followers but fans online and fans in real life were completely different things.

  
An hour into the show, Steve caught sight of a familiar face. It threw him off guard but when he blinked, the face was gone and he dismissed it as his mind playing tricks.

It wasn't until he had a moment to himself did he see the face again.... Bucky's face. He was dressed to the nines, half hidden in the dim light of the studio, but Steve knew that face anywhere. Quickly, Steve made his way across the room but was stopped along the way by a fan. He applogized and excused himself, promising to meet them before the night was over, and took off in the direction he last saw Bucky. When he didn't find him, he searched around frantically until he just left the building altogether.

Once the bitter, winter night air hit his face, he looked at the empty streets and wept. He slid down the wall of the building and buried his face in his drawn up knees, crying until Natasha came to retrieve him.

"Oh Steve.... I was dreading this.---"

"I saw him, Nat. I swear I did. I know that was him."

"Steve... Bucky's--"

"Dead, yeah, I know...."

He took a deep breath and wiped his face, pulling himself up and letting Natasha guide him inside. The rest of the night went by with Steve on autopilot, being polite and talking to whoever came up to him.

 

* * *

 

  
A dark figure watched as Steve ran out of the studio, hiding in the shadow of an opposing building. It watched as Steve broke down, barely refraining from stepping out to make itself known. Coming here was a mistake, the figure knew that. A dangerous and reckless mistake that could destroy any hope of a real reunion.

Only when Steve went inside did the figure emerge. Except it wasn't an "it," but a "he." And he was Bucky.

 

* * *

 

  
All of Steve's paintings got sold that night but he couldn't bring himself to feel anything. Once they all got home, Steve went straight to his room without a word. He hastily took off everything but his underwear, then pulled on Bucky's hoodie.

He buried himself in his blanket and fell asleep crying, clutching the key around his neck tight enough to leave marks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> steve with an undercut & blue hair is highkey my fave and it's also how my hair is going to be as soon as school is over yaas


	16. I've been working to get back what I lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve felt like the only heartbroken mess in the state of New York, sitting alone in his underwear and on the verge of crying every other minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that im a bad person :(   
> and shoutout to my bestie 5ever, claire, for reading all 700 different versions i wrote of this and helping me when i just wanted to give up and die :-)

Rain hitting a window is what woke Steve up. That and a sticky feeling on his skin. He hadn't opened his eyes yet but he could tell he wasn't home. For one, it smelled like stale sweat and alcohol. Why couldn't he remember why or where he was? An arm shifting on his waist is what made his eyes snap open.

Fuck.

He definitely remembers now.

* * *

 

_Steve was protesting avidly. He hadn't left the house except to go to the little store around the corner to buy junk food in two weeks and apparently it wasn't "healthy" and he was "eating his feelings" or something._

_"You need to get out!" said Natasha. She had that look that said he wasn't getting out of this but that doesn't mean he didn't try his damnedest._

_Two hours and a hot shower later, Steve found himself begrudgingly entering Tony's stupid tower for an equally stupid Valentine's Day party. If Steve had his way, he'd be halfway through a large meat lovers pizza and a bottle of vodka, dehydrated from crying over romantic movies._

_Alas, he did the minimum to cover his distaste at being there. At least there was copious amounts of alcohol._

_  
He got separated from his group after his umpteenth shot (which, looking back on it, was probably intentional) and was feeling pretty drunk, drunk enough to take a puff of a joint being passed around. He burned with shame when someone with strong hands gripped his hips but quickly swallowed it down with another shot and went to dance. Dancing led to leaving and Steve's sure he didn't even leave the building, but he couldn't remember the face of the guy who was taking his clothes off. Didn't care either._

  
Being swift as possible, Steve removed the arm from around him and forced his eyes to remain open, which was an immediate mistake because it burned. A look around the room confirmed him staying in the tower, but why would Tony let someone use a room? Unless....

"Fucking shit."

He slept with Tony. He fucking went and got so drunk that he wanted to be with Tony. Death was looking pretty amazing right now.

Quickly and quietly getting up, Steve dressed and prayed to anyone that would listen that he was the only one on this floor. Sure enough, when he padded towards the elevator, the place was quiet save his footsteps and the rain. At least he wore a jacket last night. Once he was in the elevator, he slipped on his shoes and tried to turn on his phone in a desperate attempt to resuscitate it. Not having any luck, he scoffed and hit his head on the back wall. When the doors opened on the ground floor, Steve put his head down and practically ran out into the rain.

He lifted the jacket above his head to attempt to shield himself long enough to hail a cab, but then he remember he had no cash on him. He looked himself over and let out a defeated sigh. He looked like a mess that was quickly becoming more depressing than hot. He made a beeline for the nearest coffee shop, where he used the phone to call Nat to come get him. He was silent the whole way home, which thankfully Nat didn't question.

  
He hasn't slept with anyone since Bucky.

 

* * *

 

  
A puff of smoke emerged into the air above, trapped under the roof and making the room cloudy. Steve had only smoked pot three times in his life before this but never alone. Clint recommended the idea of smoking when he saw how awful Steve looked coming back from Tony's and Steve decided "what the hell?"

A couple of days later, Steve found himself receiving a few joints from Clint and a promise that no one would be in the house for a while. They went out. Steve preferred not to have a repeat of last time.

It was raining again. Dark inside and out. Thunder cascading from the sky down to Steve's bones, rumbling in time with his exhales. The only light in the entire apartment was the lightning that struck occasionally and the city outside. Steve was laying on his back in bed, wearing only briefs, limbs spread all the way out. He was relaxed, body and mind at ease, halfway through his second joint. It was about midnight but time didn't mean anything to Steve.

Nothing meant anything to Steve except the sound of rain hitting the window and the smoke that seemed to roll with each clap of thunder.

 

When the rain died down, he was still baked but it was slowly fading and he was beginning to reflect on himself. He began to drink at a young age, and always found himself partying no matter what his mood was. He felt good and that's all he wanted. He just wanted to be okay. The trick was how to feel like that sober. He was always the excuse, the hook up, the bad influence. People liked him but their parents didn't. He was fine with that. They only knew rumors about him, not who he really was.

He was a good student. Graduated in the top 25 of his class. Sure, he got into one too many fights and, yeah, he was on a first name basis with the local police force in Delaware. He wasn't a bad person. Just a passionate activist that enjoyed himself.

When Bucky walked into his life, completely unaware of his past, Steve felt it was akin to a fresh glass of water. Finally someone he could show himself to, someone that hadn't known him for years, someone that was eager to know him instead of just screw him and spread rumors about him. He's done things he wasn't exactly jumping to boast about, but it was his turn to speak for himself and say those things. He didn't have nasty gossip to confirm or deny, but a person genuinely interested in him, the good and the bad.

He never imagined he'd get the chance.

  
"Gross." He muttered to himself, lighting yet another blunt and sitting up. That was enough self-reflection for the year. Time for food.

He ordered two meat lovers pizzas ahead of time and was stocked with his favorite chips and also a burrito. Just in case. His appetite was satiated upon finishing the first pizza and he took to sitting up, a yawn leaving his lips but he wasn't sleepy at all. It was so quiet without the rain. Faintly, a clap of thunder would sound, and it was still drizzling, but the only sounds that were his constant companions were his breathing and the distant sirens outside, cars passing, and people going on about their nightly lives.

Steve felt like the only heartbroken mess in the state of New York, sitting alone in his underwear and on the verge of crying every other minute.

 

* * *

 

  
Steve knew how to deal with sadness. Okay.... Not so much "deal" with it. More like "do anything and everything he could so he didn't have to think about being sad". For instance, he touched up the blue in his hair, got the longest and most relaxing spa treatment he could afford, then spent a ridiculous amount of time trying on clothes with Natasha. They'd never buy half the things they tried on but it was fun regardless. He could almost forget that he felt dead inside, especially when the cute cashier was flirting with him.

They decided to go to a MAC store and get their makeup done for no apparent reason. Well, Natasha and Clint were going to some fancy gala Tony was hosting. Steve, who was invited but sure as hell couldn't face that man, just wanted to look pretty as he sat alone eating Cheetos in his underwear. Maybe he could go out that night, somewhere far away from Tony. Venture out to the gay clubs and see what happens. He did, after all, just buy some new outfits.

 

In the end, it rained and Steve was discouraged from going out. Instead he went to Bucky's place and soaked in his unnecessarily big bathtub, drinking expensive white wine. He smeared the makeup so he looked like a rich wife that was crying because she just found out her husband was having an affair with a younger woman. He smeared it with his hands first before he actually started crying and honestly, he really pulled off the look better than that Snapchat filter.

He fell asleep wrapped in Bucky's big comforter, wearing nothing but Bucky's boxers, and pretending like Bucky was supplying the warmth he felt.

 

* * *

 

  
Steve had a day to himself: no deadlines, no commissions, no response to any of the résumés he sent out but it was still early. Although the weather was dreary, he had never felt more alive. He's been moping for so long, drinking to forget, that his mind was once again ready to get out. He needed to go out tonight, somewhere new and so dark that he forgot who he was.

He proposed the idea to his friends, although he was going with or without them, and now they were on their way to a club in the gay district. No one in his friend group was straight so it worked out great. Once inside, Steve completely transformed. He had the tightest pants he owned on, a basically transparent shirt, and he was ready to flirt with strangers. They had already been day drinking and Steve was certain he'd be completely hammered by the time they got home.

The dancing was his favorite. The guys held him just right and there was usually more than one. He danced with Natasha, Sam, and even Clint. It was really nice to not think about anything but the bass booming in his chest and the stench of sweat and endorphins in the air. He even made out with Sam, albeit not the first time, and then went right back to dancing. They stayed until the bar closed, then stumbled around until they found an all-night diner. Steve only puked once on the way over. Natasha was the only one that looked sober. Damn her and her Russian heritage.

Once they got back home, Nat and Clint went to their room while Steve and Sam collapsed on the couch. The sun was on the verge of coming up but it bothered absolutely no one, especially with Sam holding Steve so close. It's been months since he was held by someone he trusted and cared about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slips samsteve in bc im fucking garbage*  
> also i have no clue how to snort the marijuanas so sorry if it's a completely awful interpretation of being high


	17. can you feel me when I think about you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve couldn't say that he thought he was going to be alone forever because he'd never find someone that made him feel the way Bucky made him feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello it's me, finally making Steve's suffering end  
> there's brief homophobic language in this chapter btw but it's like two words  
> and i highly recommend listening to A Year Without Rain by Selena Gomez bc that's a weirdly perfect song for this also the title is from the song

**RIIIIIIIIIIIING! RIIIIIIIIIIIING! RIIIIIIIIIIIING!**

Steve fell off the couch face first on the floor, head pounding impossibly more, as he irritably searched for the source of the loud noise so he can destroy it. A groan came from above him and a hand hit Steve smack in the face.

Steve was about two seconds from killing something.

The ringing stopped and Steve was almost ready to open his eyes when it started again.

"I swear to every fucking thing in this world....."

"Stop swearing," came a muffled voice from above.

"Shut the fuck up, Sam." Try as he might, there was no real malice behind it and Sam just laughed.

Steve located his phone, the source of the ringing, and turned the sound off. Unfortunately it was an alarm and it signified a meeting with Thor he had to attend in an hour.

"Fuck me," he deadpanned and forced himself up.

 

  
Thirty minutes later, a completely hungover (and still slightly drunk at the same time) Steve rushed out the door and into the taxi he ordered. Arriving close to Thor's studio later, Steve stepped into a nearby coffee shop. He needed the biggest cup of black coffee ever. Thankfully, he had about ten minutes to collect himself. He took a quick "shower" (wiping his face and arms with a wet washcloth) but he knew there was still an excessive amount of glitter on him and his eyes were bloodshot to hell, but he should be fine as long as he kept his sunglasses on.

 

 

"Steven! Nice to see you once more." Said man was then engulfed in the best bear hug in the world. "How are you?"

"You too, Thor. I'm feeling a bit under the weather unfortunately but I'm happy to be here nonetheless."

An hour of talk went by and Steve was only hanging on by focusing on Thor's ridiculously beefy biceps that were unprofessionally making his mouth water. He couldn't even recall the details of the conversation other than Thor wanting to display his work again whenever he was ready, since the last was a huge success, and that there was someone who was very interested in meeting with Steve.

"Thor, I can't thank you enough for the opportunities you've opened me too. If someone told me that you would call me out of the blue one day and change my life forever a year ago, I would have outright laughed."

That earned a hearty laugh from the taller man and another ridiculously amazing hug.

"The pleasure is all mine, Steven. I see much potential in you and I know I'm not the only one. I will hear from you soon, yes? Perhaps we can get lunch sometime."

"Of course. Name the date and place and I'll be there."

They parted ways and Steve almost forgot how gross he felt. He was debating grabbing a bite to eat before going back home when suddenly he noticed a familiar face in the corner of his eye. Looking up, he found himself staring across the street at..... Bucky? His feet were moving before he knew it until someone grabbed his arm and a car honked, causing him to snap out of it.

"Hey! You were about to walk into traffic!" said some man, looking at Steve like he was insane. Steve looked at the stranger before quickly turning his attention to the opposite street, but the face was already gone.

"Holy shit, I'm losing it."

 

* * *

 

  
Steve went a day without another incident. He just brushed seeing Bucky as a hungover hallucination. He really missed him so it wasn't unusual to be thinking of him. Maybe it was just a guy that looked remarkably similar.

Regardless, he pushed the encounter out of his mind until it happened again. This time, he was perfectly sober and the last thing on his mind was Bucky. Steve was in a café, browsing through some apartments for rent in different areas. Everything was significantly out of his desired budget, but he didn't give up hope. He found one that looked decent, wasn't too far from his friends, and was in a nice building. He called the landlord and set up a meeting later on that day, feeling confident. Just as he was getting up to leave, he caught a glimpse, just a glimpse, of Bucky's face outside the shop.

Steve rushed out as fast as he could. He shook his head and scolded himself for being stupid enough to get his hopes up.

 

 

 

  
Steve hadn't left the apartment in a week. He was packing his meager belongings and finishing various commissions in order to have some extra money to buy furniture. His bank account definitely wasn't suffering, especially since his art was doing so well, but that could cease at any minute and he would rather be safe than sorry and homeless.

He purposely took on more work to avoid thinking about his Bucky hallucinations, not that he'd admit to it.

 

* * *

 

  
If Steve was known for anything, it was his definitely his fearless, intolerant attitude. He stood up for his beliefs and for what was right. He was never one to stand by while something unjust occurred, something that stemmed in his adolescence. It usually got him busted lips and black eyes then. Of course, nothing has changed now. Especially since some asshole decided to voice his ignorance as if his opinion mattered.

It was a dumb mistake to walk alone, one Steve will never learn from. It was just a small walk. He went to the corner store for some chips and a bottle of wine, a journey he'd made a million times. He had a bottle of mace in his pocket just for a precaution but he'd never had cause to use it. Now, though, he had his hand on his pocket and was barely refraining.

"Don't you faggots got your own side of town?"

Steve's jaw clenched. He walked a little faster, but the guy just followed him.

"Hey queer, I'm talking to you!" He was right behind Steve, obnoxious voice making his stomach twist.

"You're not saying anything important."

Before Steve knew it, his wrist was being snatched back and he was face to face with his harasser just in time to see him get punched. Steve looked at his own hands as if they did it without him knowing, until his chin was lifted and he was confronted with the face he'd been seeing. The face he'd thought he'd never see again.

"Steve...? Are you okay? Steve?"

"Bucky?"

Those warm, strong hands were caressing his cheeks, a soft smile graced those pink lips, and Bucky nodded.

"Yeah, Stevie. It's me. I've been---"

  
This time, it was Steve's fist that did the punching. Its target was square in Bucky's jaw.

 

* * *

 

  
"I deserved that."

Bucky was sitting down on the couch of Nat's apartment, holding a frozen bag of peas to his face. Clint was sitting next to him, looking at him in disbelief. Sam had his arms crossed and was standing next to Steve, who was going from happy to angry to sad and back to angry. Nat was just sitting to the side, silently glaring holes into Bucky's skull.

A collective "damn right you did" was uttered by everyone.

"I knew it. I knew you weren't dead. Alright. Start from the top."

It took Bucky about three hours to get through the whole thing, from the moment he left the apartment to when he'd gotten back in the States. He knew the only way he'd get out of the mob was to climb to the top and be respected enough to retire the lifestyle, or die. Obviously the former wasn't happening so he had to improvise. He didn't tell anyone, not even his sister, what he planned to do.

"Everyone I could trust was being watched, including you guys. And especially you, Steve. I had to leave without any contact because if they even suspected you knew something, they'd take you and I couldn't let that happen again."

"Again?! Steve! Why didn't you tell us you got taken by mob leaders?"

"It didn't come up?"

Sam shook his head, decided to talk to Steve about that later, then looked at Bucky.

"Why did you come back now?"

"Fonzie... Alfonso, the leader of everything, died last week. I was informed that I'm not longer a concern and they really believe I'm dead, and are focusing on tying the business ends together. I came back as soon as I could. I tried to come back earlier, when you had your opening.... But I was almost recognized."

Steve had to sit down because he was right. He shared a look with Natasha then took a deep breath.

"Can... Can you all give me a minute with Bucky?"

It took a moment but everyone finally shuffled out of the apartment, knowing that they deserved some time together without them listening. It seems that everyone but Steve knew he loved Bucky, and he still couldn't believe it took him "dying" for Steve to see that.

  
"Steve, I wasn't trying to hurt you. I wanted to set my life straight so I could be with you but everything went to shit and you're so---"

"Bucky...."

Steve was staring at his hands, his voice soft and vision beginning to blur with tears. The reality of the situation hit him full force and he was almost struggling to breathe because Bucky was _here_ and he was _alive._ Steve all but launched himself at Bucky, wrapping his arms around his neck as the tears began to flow down his cheeks. Bucky held him tight around his chest, burying his nose in Steve's hair.

"I thought you were gone for good, asshole." Bucky couldn't help the watery laugh he released, nuzzling further into Steve.

"I missed you so much. I thought about you every day. I wanted to text you, to see you. I wanted to fall asleep next to you and wake up an hour later because you kicked me."

That got a small laugh from Steve, who pulled back finally. His eyes were shiny and red, his foundation had tear lines, and the bags under his eyes were noticeable now that Bucky was close but he swears Steve's still the most beautiful person he's ever seen. He wiped under Steve's eyes and touched their foreheads together, closing his eyes.

"I love you. I love you so much and I'm never going to leave you again.... If you'll still have me."

Steve didn't try to hold back the new wave of tears that fell as he closed the gap between them and finally, _finally_ , kissed Bucky for the first time in months. It was wet and salty with tears but it was on Steve's Top Five Favorite Kisses list.

"I love you too. Of course I'll still have you."

 

 

  
Eventually they pulled away from each other and Steve gathered himself before getting the last box of his stuff and moving it to his new apartment, in a completely different part of town.

The apartment was quaint but nice, with two bedrooms and a view. For now, he only had the box spring and mattress on the floor of his bedroom with a night stand and a few things scattered. He led Bucky to his room and they got situated on the bed, Steve finally feeling at ease.

"So much has happened since you left... It's been.... I'm really glad you're not dead."

Steve couldn't say that he thought he was going to be alone forever because he'd never find someone that made him feel the way Bucky made him feel.

Bucky nodded, knowing that Steve was having a hard time conveying his feelings but he'd be patient. It was shocking and Bucky understood that it would take Steve a while but he would be here no matter what. So he kissed Steve. He began to kiss his eyelids, his nose, his cheek. Anywhere he could get his lips. Steve, who was touch starved and still highly emotional, felt like crying again with how much he missed being with Bucky. He missed their intimacy and how Bucky held him and the feeling of his lips.

It's no surprise that soon they were naked and Steve was on his back, Bucky deep inside him, hands intertwined. He wasn't moving, simply enjoying the feeling of being in Steve again. Both of them were. They were kissing lazily and grinning when they weren't. Slowly, Bucky began to thrust, using one hand to glide over Steve's body.

 

Nothing else in the world mattered but their shared breaths and relearning each other's body.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm thinking about making a playlist on 8tracks with all the songs i used to write this fic?? would anyone be interested?? i'm probably gonna make it anyways


	18. because you're mine, I walk the line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 99 ppl are subscribed to be disappointed by this smh sorry y'all   
> this is 5 year time skip btw

Waking up cold and alone was something Steve hadn't gotten used to. It happened twice a week when Bucky went for a run or to go workout, but Steve'd always worry that having Bucky was a dream until he saw cuff links and their picture on the nightstand. It was their first picture as a couple, dressed up nice at a party for Steve's work. He just got the job as an artist for SHIELD comics. Five years later and he was one of the lead artists.

Bucky, funnily enough, got a job at Stark Industries. A year into their relationship, it was deemed safe enough for Bucky to go back out into the world. He needed something that would allow him to lay low but would still be relevant to his extensive qualifications. Steve pulled some strings (mainly Tony's strings) and got Bucky in alongside Pepper, managing finances and marketing. Much to Tony and Bucky's dismay, he was pretty damn good at the job and Stark Industries had amazing privacy protection over its employees.

Life was going good for both men. So good, in fact, that Bucky thought it was time to step up their relationship. Call him a hopeless romantic but the idea of marriage had stuck with him since he was a child. He didn't care if he married a man or woman or anyone in between, he just wanted to be married and be settled, possibly with a family. Steve didn't want to get married, said the idea was for children, and Bucky would be content to just be with him, if not slightly heartbroken. He put the marriage thought from his mind until Natasha and Clint got engaged, and Steve got more emotional than he let on. He claimed that he was just happy for two of his friends but Bucky caught him staring at his ring finger, looking lost in thought.

At the wedding, Natasha winked at him when Steve caught her bouquet, almost like she did it on purpose.

So here Bucky was, picking out a ring that would match Steve. He wanted something extravagant for the love of his life. Their age difference was something they forgot regularly because it didn't feel like they were ten years apart, it felt timeless. When the jeweler, a kind European woman named Wanda, presented him with quite possibly the most beautiful ring he's ever seen, he knew it was the one. With a renewed skip in his step, Bucky made his way to their apartment with just the right way to propose to Steve.

When he got there, however, the air left his lungs immediately. The door was ajar, a boot print clear as day against the white paint. As Bucky pushed the door open, the place was a complete mess. Papers were thrown everywhere and furniture was overturned, and on the wall there was a very clear and very familiar symbol. They found him.

Bucky frantically began searching the apartment, calling out Steve's name and shaking the more he just got silence in return. He was nowhere to be seen despite the fact he would've been home already, and his calls were going straight to voicemail.

 

* * *

 

 

Steve ran a hand through his hair, making the blue stick up in all different directions. His deadline was today and he needed to ink one more page but it was already getting dark out. He'd been holed up in his office, earphones in, completely zoned in to the pages in front of him. He barely stopped to have a quick bite. When he was finally finished, he sent it off to the next in the chain and leaned back in his chair to stretch. Now that he fully realized how late it was, he cursed and fumbled around for his phone, only to find it dead. Fuck, he forgot to call Bucky.

He quickly gathered his things and rushed out the building, then went to catch his train which came as soon as he got there. He managed to turn on his phone for a minute but only saw '30 Missed Calls' before it turned back off.

Oh shit.

 

* * *

 

 

"Bucky? What's going--"

"Steve! Oh my god, Steve. I was so worried. You weren't answering your phone and I thought they took you. Are you okay? Where were you?"

Steve was almost being suffocated by Bucky with how hard he was hugging him, and could barely push himself from his grasp.

"What? I was at work. My phone died. What do you mean you thought 'they' took me? Who's 'they'? You don't mean..."

That's when Steve's eyes trailed off to look at the busted up door to their apartment, and he broke away from Bucky to see the tattered remains of all his stuff. His eyes immediately welled up with tears as he picked up ruined pieces of his art, stepped over pieces of glass, and saw his most precious things destroyed. These people were so ruthless and unnecessarily destructive. He picked up the picture of them from the floor and cut his finger trying to remove it from the frame, which made him cry more.

"We have to get somewhere safe, Steve." Bucky carefully placed his hand on Steve's shoulder and Steve turned into his chest, nodding but staying silent save his occasional sniffle. He thought this was over but it just came back to bite them worse.

 

* * *

 

 

Once they gathered up what was salvageable from the apartment (some of Steve's art supplies, some clothes, pictures, etc.), they took the back way from their apartment building and looked around carefully before deciding it was safe to go to Bucky's car. They drove for a while, taking extra turns and back roads, until they arrived at Natasha's place a couple hours later. Knocking on the door to her and Clint's brownstone, they both looked around, on edge.

"How much is it--- Steve? Bucky? What are you guys doing here? Did you bring pizza?"

Steve was going to speak until Natasha showed up behind the door, took one look at them, then yanked them inside.

"Tell me everything."

 

* * *

 

 

"....They're coming for us. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry, Steve." Bucky held his head in his hands and Steve brought him to his chest, shushing him and rubbing his back though he was obviously fighting back tears and looking to Natasha. "You have to get out of the city and fast." She got up and paced a little before pulling out her phone and typing away.

Sam had arrived shortly after they did and he brought Steve some tea, placing a hand on his back. And Steve took it before gasping and turning to Sam. "I completely forgot your birthday is today. I was going to call you when I got home. I had a deadline today and then....this. I got you a present but it was one of the casualties. I'll make it up to you." Sam just laughed.

"Don't worry about it, Steve. You've got to focus on your safety." Steve gave Bucky a tissue and he wiped his face before sitting up and taking a breath.

"Look. I know where we could go. I can get a different car tonight."

"Don't worry about it. Your ride is coming. No questions, just get in the car and go." Natasha looked at the pair and then grabbed Steve's hand. "Come on. I have something for you before you go."

Steve reluctantly tore himself away from Bucky and followed Natasha, allowing himself to have a moment of panic. "I'm so scared, Nat. I thought Bucky got away from all that. I don't.... I don't want to go through all of this again."

Natasha was rummaging around her room and then handed him a bag. "I know, Steve. You don't deserve this. You're going to have to give up your life for this, you know that right? Once you leave with him.... There's no going back."

Steve closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath and wiping his face. He was silent for a moment, looking at the bag and really thinking about this situation. He loves Bucky, that's for sure, and he wanted to be with him no matter what. But could he just pick up and leave like this? Could he leave his dream job and all his friends to run away with a criminal? What if they catch up to them? What will happen to his friends?

"I know."

If Steve had sense, he'd leave Bucky. He'd go to the authorities and get them all locked up. He'd be in witness protection and start over.

But any sense Steve had was destroyed as soon as Bucky smiled at him in a bar six years ago.

"What's in the bag?"

"Various hair dyes, burner cells, a taser, and some money. I know you probably have enough but this is just in case."

Steve was about to protest when Natasha pulled him into a tight hug and kissed his temple. "I love you, Steve. I want you to call me when you're in a safe location, out of the state." She looked down at her phone. "Car's here."

Steve nodded and then left the room, grabbing his other bag and Bucky. Steve hugged everyone and said bye before getting into the black SUV in front of Natasha's house, Bucky driving, and they were off. Getting further and further away from their comfortable lives.

 

* * *

 

 

Steve fell asleep once they left the city, after they withdrew money from their bank accounts. They had enough to get away and that was all that mattered. Bucky was running on adrenaline, sneaking a glance over to Steve every couple miles, but finally had to pull over and get out. He accidentally slammed the door, which startled Steve awake, and leaned against the side of the car. "Fuck! Bucky? Are you okay? Where are we?"

Steve was rubbing his eyes and crawled over to look out the driver seat window just in time to see Bucky slide down to the ground.

"I ruined your life, Steve. You weren't supposed to be caught up in this. You don't deserve someone like me, ripping the life you made for yourself to shreds because of my shitty decisions." He was crying now, angrily wiping his eyes as if the tears were the ones who caused this.

Steve got out of the car and slowly sat beside Bucky, not acknowledging his crying but leaning against him and taking his hand.

"I don't deserve this but I want this. The whole situation is pretty fucked up but I'm not leaving you. We're in this together now and whatever life I had doesn't matter as long as we're together and we're safe."

Bucky shook his head, squeezing Steve's hand but not looking at him. "Hell of a guy you chose to be with."

"Well, it's common knowledge that my judgement isn't the best."

Steve kissed Bucky's knuckles then forced him to make eye contact, wiping away his tears and giving him a soft kiss. "We'll make it through this. Now come on, let's find a motel and get some sleep. We can have an emotional crisis tomorrow."

 

 

 

 

 

They found a motel, Steve paid for the room and Bucky brought their bags up. Steve got a soda from the machine and some ice then locked the door to the room once he got in, closing the shades. Bucky toed off his shoes and fell back on the bed with a loud huff, putting his arms over his face. Steve put away some stuff then washed his face in the bathroom and changed into a long shirt, frowning at Bucky. He kicked Bucky's leg softly before straddling his waist and removing his arms from over his eyes.

"We wanted to go on a vacation out of the city anyways, right?"

Bucky scoffed and rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless. Only Steve could be optimistic in a situation like this. He just wished he could share the same attitude. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y i k e s it's almost over i wonder how the dweebs are getting out of it this time


	19. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry :(

To anyone who was still looking forward to this, I'm so very sorry! It's been so long since I updated this and I'm unfortunately here to say that this is it. A lot of personal things have happened since I last updated and I completely lost the drive to write this fic, and I'm struggling to continue writing more in general. I do have another fic out that's a 13 Going On 30 AU but it's a slow slow work in progress. 

I will always love this fic with all my heart and I do have a real conclusion to it but my life is just too hectic right now to focus on sitting down and writing. I can't even do my schoolwork let alone focus on something recreational. 

However, I will be making a playlist of the songs I used to write this fic and if more than one person would like to see the final conclusion, I will do my best to write it out in a timely matter. If not, the next chapter will just be the playlist.

A lot of people subscribed to this fic and I'm so thankful for you guys. I started writing fics when I was younger and in a time when it was common to shun pre-teens instead of encouraging them, but I couldn't have asked for a better reaction to my first real, multi chapter, published fic. I'm a older now than when I first started writing fics and I'm certainly older than when I published my first fic and I would just like to say thank you to the people who commented and left kudos and bookmarked even if the fic I wrote wasn't the best. Thank you for allowing me to grow as a person and thank you for not pointing out all the typos I made even though there were quite a lot. 

As always, you can come scream with me on my tumblr (queersteverogers) about stucky. Once again, I'm truly very sorry about the gap in updates leading to my inability to complete this. I will hopefully continue writing one shots and another multi chapter in the future, and I hope you guys will stick with me through it. :)

-Kieren/consultingrogers


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